Somehow, if in a crowd, stray children single me out. When I say "strays" I mean kids who I can tell are either neglected or abused. They randomly approach me in public places and ask me for something. Could be big or small but regardless this happens a lot to me and I'm not sure why. My mom says that children can just tell when you are loving like it's a vibe you give off. And she would know. She has had the same things happen to her.
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Two examples from the last few months:
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Mya: Rob and I took the kids to Oak Island, NC this summer for a beach vacation. My parents came for the first few nights too. The first night we were there all six of us went down to the beach that by then (7pm) had been deserted. It was only our family on the beach... and one little girl. She looked to be about 10 and was splashing in the waves but there was no adult of any kind in sight. Right as I was thinking it my Dad said "So WHO is going to be here to pull this girl out if she gets sucked under by a wave?!" It was weird. A couple of us hung out on the beach until we saw her walk back to the house she was staying in (which happened to be right next to ours).
The next day there were more people on the beach and she was on the beach - still no adult with her. Well now I was getting irritated and worried for her. I kept catching her looking at me and then looking away. I was knitting and it was Rob's turn to watch the kids in the water. Elise was cold and had wandered up to warm up in her towel. Right about then I heard a small voice say "Can you come over to my house and play?" and it was the girl. She was talking to Elise. My daughter (who is completely innocent, as she should be at 5) looks at me expectantly and says "I don't know. Mom, can I?" Of course in my head I'm like "Umm NO. NO. NO FREAKIN WAY" but I said out loud instead "Well I don't think it's appropriate for us to go into each other's houses because we don't know each other well but (turning to the girl) if you want I can ask your Mom if you can come over to our porch for a little party with snacks?" (Beach front houses are all squished together there and there was about 6 feet between the two porches so I thought the mother might be ok with it if she could sit on her porch and observe.) The little girl agreed and told me her name was Mya and that she was 9. But she let me know that it was not her mother but her Grandmother. That's fine I said. No problem. I'll go ask your Grandmother. So, I went up to ask, all the time thinking she'd be hesitant, so I was choosing my wording and explanation well. However when I asked she didn't even look up at me from her magazine, blaring music, Coors light, and cigarette hanging out of her mouth and said "Yeah. Fine. Whatever." OH MY GOSH. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? There is NO WAY ON EARTH my little people would be going ANYWHERE without me in a case like this.
Anyway, so Mya walked over to our house with us and the three kids had chips, cookies, soda, and played board games. (BTW - with NO ONE from her house on their deck even glancing over periodically). At one point the kids got bored with games and we started charades. About two hours into the "party" I said "Ok Mya. I think it's time to go home now because we need to be able to spend some family time together." Tears welled up in her eyes "Oh but this is the best party I've ever been to" she said. I assured her we'd spend some more time with her the next day. And we did.
The next night at 11pm Rob and I were having wine on our deck with the lights off so we could see the stars. Some moron a few houses down was shooting of small fireworks but we didn't mind. We were just happy to be chillin' with the ocean breeze on our faces. The door to Mya's rental opened and an old man walked out. He walked down their pier and starts saying "Mya.....Mya....?" Not even in what I would call a yell. He did this for maybe a minute and then GOES INSIDE and shuts the door behind him. My head whips around to Rob and I go off "Are you freaking kidding me? Are you freakin kidding me Rob?!?! A 9 year old out alone at 11pm?! Do you KNOW what kind of people are out lurking at 11pm?! Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Rob is looking at me in agreement but, true to my nature, the poor guy can't even get a word in cause as my friend Robin J would say "I was hot".
I storm off down our pier, bra-less in a big t-shirt and my PJ shorts (None of which is a pretty scene. I've had babies... just sayin'). I am livid, walking and mumbling to myself. I finally, about ten houses down, see her little silhouette on someone else's deck and although I thought at the time I was going to say her name in a normal tone what came out was "MYA" in that low mama-aint-playin tone. What's even better is she actually immediately turns to the people and says "Ooo I gotta go" and runs down their pier to me. I wasn't even convinced as I was storming the beach that she would come with me even if I found her but sure enough, she ran off that deck right to me. "What's up" she said with a shaky I-just-got-caught voice. "What's up? What's up?! You wanna know what's up? There's a 9 year old on a beach at 11pm with NO ONE WATCHING HER! Mya, do you know what could happen to you out here? People could take you. People could hurt you. You could drown!" The lecture went on all the while with her going "Yes ma'am. I know. Sorry. Yes ma'am." In the moment I was, in my head, like "Christian. You are insane. you've known this girl for a day. What are you doing?" But I couldn't stop my mouth from spewing out concern. And she didn't seem to really mind.
We got to her stairs and I marched her up to the door and she opening it and went in. Looking back I should have yelled at the Grandparents but in the moment I was just pissed and knew she was home. My husband is watching all of this from our porch just grinning and shaking his head. He knows I'm "passionate" which is the nice way to say "outspoken jackass". But he loves that about me. I got on the porch and said "Holy crap. I'm Robin J!" and we both laughed. You see, if any of you know Robin J you also know that she will lovingly scold kids not just in random states but random countries as well. And just like me with Mya they actually respond to her. The reason is that she never comes across as the angry adult who is scolding because you should respect this or behave like that but they can sense that she is speaking up because she cares. Her poor husband Steve sits on the side lines like Rob, seeing it coming in his wife a mile away.
Anyway, I digress. Back to Mya. So I go to bed feeling funny about the beach situation. I'm still mad but I'm wondering how the rest of our stay will be with our oh so lovely neighbors. The next day on the beach our blanket is out and once again I am knitting. I glance up and down the shore line and see Mya about 100 yards away. I just look back down and keep knitting thinking "Well, I'm sure she's not going to talk to me anymore." No sooner did I complete that thought than I hear slight movement behind me. I turn and it's Mya, drawing in the sand with her finger. She looks up and says "Oh. Hey. I didn't see you there." My heart melted. It never ceases to amaze me how much children yearn for boundaries, yearn for someone to care enough to get mad when they can't find them. Her family left the shore that night.
I think of Mya so often. So often....
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Example number 2 (and much shorter, I promise :0)
The little Chinese Girl:
I took Rob and the kids out for Chinese food the other night because I was tired from work and didn't want to cook. As we entered the restaurant a small girl (once again probably nine years old or so) directed us to a table and gave us silverware. I'm thinking "Oookay...." but I'm SURE that she will disappear and an adult will emerge to be our server. Nope. She did the entire thing start to finish. She wrote our order so carefully on her little pad of paper writing neatly and slowly as any elementary student who is trying really hard to do a good job does. Malachi who is clueless of the problem with this situation says "Aww. How cute. We have a little girl for our waiter." I am growing more and more uncomfortable as she rolls silverware, takes orders over the phone waits on multiple tables at a time and swipes people's credit cards as they pay. Our food arrives and while we are all munching away, heads down, once again a little small voice is near me. "Can I ask you a question?" she says. "Sure" I respond. She pulls a piece of paper from behind her back and says sheepishly "Can you help me with my math homework because I don't understand it?" Tears are welling up in my eyes even as I type this and go back to that moment. My heart sank. "Sure" I said once again and helped her figure out the problems that were stumping her all the while thinking "Your MOTHER should be doing this with you". Not mad at the little girl of course, just heart broken over the situation. There were other women in the restaurant that night but she singled me out..... once again... not sure why.
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I don't have a moral to the story in this post. It's simply a reflection... something that goes through my mind a lot...... And you can say "Turn the parents in" but I know from trying to get approved for foster care that the system is overwhelmed and broken. It's just unfortunately not that simple. So here I sit. Broken hearted and feeling helpless. Yet still, they come.
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Two examples from the last few months:
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Mya: Rob and I took the kids to Oak Island, NC this summer for a beach vacation. My parents came for the first few nights too. The first night we were there all six of us went down to the beach that by then (7pm) had been deserted. It was only our family on the beach... and one little girl. She looked to be about 10 and was splashing in the waves but there was no adult of any kind in sight. Right as I was thinking it my Dad said "So WHO is going to be here to pull this girl out if she gets sucked under by a wave?!" It was weird. A couple of us hung out on the beach until we saw her walk back to the house she was staying in (which happened to be right next to ours).
The next day there were more people on the beach and she was on the beach - still no adult with her. Well now I was getting irritated and worried for her. I kept catching her looking at me and then looking away. I was knitting and it was Rob's turn to watch the kids in the water. Elise was cold and had wandered up to warm up in her towel. Right about then I heard a small voice say "Can you come over to my house and play?" and it was the girl. She was talking to Elise. My daughter (who is completely innocent, as she should be at 5) looks at me expectantly and says "I don't know. Mom, can I?" Of course in my head I'm like "Umm NO. NO. NO FREAKIN WAY" but I said out loud instead "Well I don't think it's appropriate for us to go into each other's houses because we don't know each other well but (turning to the girl) if you want I can ask your Mom if you can come over to our porch for a little party with snacks?" (Beach front houses are all squished together there and there was about 6 feet between the two porches so I thought the mother might be ok with it if she could sit on her porch and observe.) The little girl agreed and told me her name was Mya and that she was 9. But she let me know that it was not her mother but her Grandmother. That's fine I said. No problem. I'll go ask your Grandmother. So, I went up to ask, all the time thinking she'd be hesitant, so I was choosing my wording and explanation well. However when I asked she didn't even look up at me from her magazine, blaring music, Coors light, and cigarette hanging out of her mouth and said "Yeah. Fine. Whatever." OH MY GOSH. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? There is NO WAY ON EARTH my little people would be going ANYWHERE without me in a case like this.
Anyway, so Mya walked over to our house with us and the three kids had chips, cookies, soda, and played board games. (BTW - with NO ONE from her house on their deck even glancing over periodically). At one point the kids got bored with games and we started charades. About two hours into the "party" I said "Ok Mya. I think it's time to go home now because we need to be able to spend some family time together." Tears welled up in her eyes "Oh but this is the best party I've ever been to" she said. I assured her we'd spend some more time with her the next day. And we did.
The next night at 11pm Rob and I were having wine on our deck with the lights off so we could see the stars. Some moron a few houses down was shooting of small fireworks but we didn't mind. We were just happy to be chillin' with the ocean breeze on our faces. The door to Mya's rental opened and an old man walked out. He walked down their pier and starts saying "Mya.....Mya....?" Not even in what I would call a yell. He did this for maybe a minute and then GOES INSIDE and shuts the door behind him. My head whips around to Rob and I go off "Are you freaking kidding me? Are you freakin kidding me Rob?!?! A 9 year old out alone at 11pm?! Do you KNOW what kind of people are out lurking at 11pm?! Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Rob is looking at me in agreement but, true to my nature, the poor guy can't even get a word in cause as my friend Robin J would say "I was hot".
I storm off down our pier, bra-less in a big t-shirt and my PJ shorts (None of which is a pretty scene. I've had babies... just sayin'). I am livid, walking and mumbling to myself. I finally, about ten houses down, see her little silhouette on someone else's deck and although I thought at the time I was going to say her name in a normal tone what came out was "MYA" in that low mama-aint-playin tone. What's even better is she actually immediately turns to the people and says "Ooo I gotta go" and runs down their pier to me. I wasn't even convinced as I was storming the beach that she would come with me even if I found her but sure enough, she ran off that deck right to me. "What's up" she said with a shaky I-just-got-caught voice. "What's up? What's up?! You wanna know what's up? There's a 9 year old on a beach at 11pm with NO ONE WATCHING HER! Mya, do you know what could happen to you out here? People could take you. People could hurt you. You could drown!" The lecture went on all the while with her going "Yes ma'am. I know. Sorry. Yes ma'am." In the moment I was, in my head, like "Christian. You are insane. you've known this girl for a day. What are you doing?" But I couldn't stop my mouth from spewing out concern. And she didn't seem to really mind.
We got to her stairs and I marched her up to the door and she opening it and went in. Looking back I should have yelled at the Grandparents but in the moment I was just pissed and knew she was home. My husband is watching all of this from our porch just grinning and shaking his head. He knows I'm "passionate" which is the nice way to say "outspoken jackass". But he loves that about me. I got on the porch and said "Holy crap. I'm Robin J!" and we both laughed. You see, if any of you know Robin J you also know that she will lovingly scold kids not just in random states but random countries as well. And just like me with Mya they actually respond to her. The reason is that she never comes across as the angry adult who is scolding because you should respect this or behave like that but they can sense that she is speaking up because she cares. Her poor husband Steve sits on the side lines like Rob, seeing it coming in his wife a mile away.
Anyway, I digress. Back to Mya. So I go to bed feeling funny about the beach situation. I'm still mad but I'm wondering how the rest of our stay will be with our oh so lovely neighbors. The next day on the beach our blanket is out and once again I am knitting. I glance up and down the shore line and see Mya about 100 yards away. I just look back down and keep knitting thinking "Well, I'm sure she's not going to talk to me anymore." No sooner did I complete that thought than I hear slight movement behind me. I turn and it's Mya, drawing in the sand with her finger. She looks up and says "Oh. Hey. I didn't see you there." My heart melted. It never ceases to amaze me how much children yearn for boundaries, yearn for someone to care enough to get mad when they can't find them. Her family left the shore that night.
I think of Mya so often. So often....
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Example number 2 (and much shorter, I promise :0)
The little Chinese Girl:
I took Rob and the kids out for Chinese food the other night because I was tired from work and didn't want to cook. As we entered the restaurant a small girl (once again probably nine years old or so) directed us to a table and gave us silverware. I'm thinking "Oookay...." but I'm SURE that she will disappear and an adult will emerge to be our server. Nope. She did the entire thing start to finish. She wrote our order so carefully on her little pad of paper writing neatly and slowly as any elementary student who is trying really hard to do a good job does. Malachi who is clueless of the problem with this situation says "Aww. How cute. We have a little girl for our waiter." I am growing more and more uncomfortable as she rolls silverware, takes orders over the phone waits on multiple tables at a time and swipes people's credit cards as they pay. Our food arrives and while we are all munching away, heads down, once again a little small voice is near me. "Can I ask you a question?" she says. "Sure" I respond. She pulls a piece of paper from behind her back and says sheepishly "Can you help me with my math homework because I don't understand it?" Tears are welling up in my eyes even as I type this and go back to that moment. My heart sank. "Sure" I said once again and helped her figure out the problems that were stumping her all the while thinking "Your MOTHER should be doing this with you". Not mad at the little girl of course, just heart broken over the situation. There were other women in the restaurant that night but she singled me out..... once again... not sure why.
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I don't have a moral to the story in this post. It's simply a reflection... something that goes through my mind a lot...... And you can say "Turn the parents in" but I know from trying to get approved for foster care that the system is overwhelmed and broken. It's just unfortunately not that simple. So here I sit. Broken hearted and feeling helpless. Yet still, they come.
4 comments:
Maybe the Chinese girls parents were not raised in America and do NOT know how to do the math that she asked for help with!
Then how would they run business dealing with money?
Wow...you just don't get it! What is it like to be so judgemental? Seriously girl, just because they have a restaurant does NOT mean that they know how to do the practical math that is taught n our schools. If the parents were NOT born and raised in our school system then they probably would not be able to help their daughter do the math problems.
I'm sorry I make you so angry. Maybe you could be man or woman enough to actually back your opinion up with your name.
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