A thought occurred to me the other day. No perhaps this thought occurred to you quite some time ago and you'll be reading this like "Duh, no kidding. You're just figuring this out?" But at any rate I'll share:
I find myself many days agitated. Not over something in particular just agitated, rubbed wrong, pissed off. Hand in hand with this comes impatience with everything and everyone around me. One day recently I was in this mode and sat back at my computer desk simply fed up with always being so on edge. I stood up, exited the house, and although I did indeed feel a bit like a spectacle I went out in my back yard and laid down in the grass on my back. It was a warm day but not too hot and for the first ten minutes or so I just stared up at the trees above me as they swayed peacefully in the breeze. Following their motion with my eyes was mesmerizing. It was especially cool to watch the different types of leaves and how they each move differently in the wind. More important than any of the things I was viewing was the fact that I was being STILL. No real thoughts going through my mind. No feelings really. Just being still, calm, quiet.
I flipped over on to my belly. I love the feeling of grass on my skin and I laid my face right down on it at first. A few minutes later I just laid there with my chin propped on my folded arms and watched the grass and the little critters in it. Lots of clover and more bees that I would have even imaged lived near my yard were going to and fro all around me carrying on with their days work. Even they had a cadence of sorts. A rhythm that held me for a moment.
Then the thought occurred to me... How much of this we miss as we go about our day. Always too busy to watch leaves dance in the passing wind and too preoccupied to look down and notice God's little creatures all around us. No wonder I'm always grumpy. 99% of my day is filled with noise! I work in an environment that has, at any one time, sounds blasting from 3 locations as well as customers speaking to me, phones ringing and co-workers in my headset talking. Then I play the radio all the way to and from work, I go to the gym with an iPod in my ear, get home to chattering children and when and if things do quiet down it's super late and I should be getting into bed if I'm going to survive tomorrow's zoo.
I thought further, no wonder all of us, not just me, freak out when something doesn't go our way during the day, get so frustrated when the line somewhere is too slow, snap at our loved ones. We're all amped up. Ready to blow. We are blasted with so much sensory images and sounds daily we are on edge ready to blow. Imagine if these kinds of scenarios occurred to us when 99% of our lives were spend in peaceful reflection. Calm existence, going about our day in a more quiet and natural setting. Connecting with nature more and stressing less. I don't think we'd really even care if the line was moving at a snails pace.
Part of this discovery came earlier in the week as I was contemplating the fact that I am (as most people are) always working toward this or that but when this or that comes just one more goal is set to attain and we never really arrive in our own eyes. Like, I'm working my butt off for this illusion called "the future" and there is never a "now".
In addition to this I was thinking about how sad it is that people admit they are afraid of silence because then they have to think about deep soul issues. I have had old people admit to me that they went their entire lives not allowing themselves to feel and soul search out of fear of what they might find. Trust me, I've been there. Not wanting to face my feelings, my sinful thoughts, my unmet dreams, my scars, but I'm telling you from experience that it is 100% worth it to stare down that beast that we call silence. Look it straight in the eyes and don't look away. "The truth will set you free" is TRUE. Even if you have to confront in your mind hard things if you are willing to be laid 100% bear before the God who already knows it all yet He loves you more than the stars in the sky He will use that time to calm you, mature you, and bring hope. With this will come less angst and more peace. Even if you're not a Christian you HAVE to go through the process of "what do I believe about life, about death, about everything? Why do I believe it?" Processing this is sooooo important, more than you will ever know.
The next day I sat on the swing outside our house with Rob. Usually I chatter his ear off but this time I made myself stay silent (didn't tell him that was intentional). We just held hands and slowly rocked back and forth for about 20 mins. I stood up, kissed him on the head and went inside to get ready for work, and it was wonderful.
Realized I never posted pictures of our new camper. We love it and can't wait to get it registered and on the road!
Folds down into a twin - Malachi's bed
Our bed - a full (Elise will be on a camp cot on the floor).
Our cute little bathroom with tub. 
You might remember a post I did in March about Rob's birthday gift from me being tickets to see a awesome drama group called PUSH... We'll they have a children's camp called PUSH Pins for a week every July in a town outside of Rochester and although I could not afford to send them for the entire week this year we drove them up for one day. They loved it and now we know to start saving up so they can attend the whole thing next summer.
Stretching was the only thing the parents were allowed to attend. We actually didn't realize that we weren't going to be able to hang out so we found ourselves with 6 hours to kill in a small town with not much to do and the temperature at 100 degrees. We sat reading in a park for an hour under a tree to shade us but soon were just too hot. We searched around for a mall hoping for maybe a movie theatre - found a mall, no theatre. So we killed about an hour and half walking around there. Came back and walked around town. Out of ideas we went back into the church the PUSH group was renting to hold the event just hoping to find SOMETHING, ANYTHING to do. As we entered the building one could go right and make their way to the camp activities or one could go left to the dark, closed off sanctuary that appeared as if was supposed to be left alone. I whispered to Rob "Lets sneak in there. Maybe with the lights off all day it'll be cooler in there than out here in the hall." He replied "No. You've been in a hundred sanctuaries in your life and they're the hottest places EVER." "Just let me check" I said as I snuck over to the double doors. I opened them and a cool breeze hit me! It was air conditioned! I waved Rob in and we both settled in on the floor between pews to read (on the floor so we wouldn't be seen. I know, I know, we're such bad rebels!) He got up to sneak to the bathroom and I was laying on my stomach on the floor reading when he left. When he returned a few minutes later I was asleep! He tells me I was snoring. So he let me sleep and he continued to read. I woke up an hour and a half later with a hymn in my head (of-course, right?!) Then we walked and found a Ben and Jerry's ice cream shop to spend our last bit of time in.
I'm not feeling especially wordy tonight so here are the photos:
The day of her birthday. She asked for 1) a stuffed doggie, 2) a pretty dress, 3) makeup - all of which we got for her, of course.
