“See God, who thinks like that?! I’m sick of being a freak.”

THIS IS AN ARTICLE I WROTE FOR OUR CHURCH NEWSLETTER...

Why do we fight who we are? Why do we fight who God made us to be? It seems like for as long as I can remember I’ve been fighting to change myself and I’m not sure why. I look at the talents and abilities of others and am envious. I think of the dreams God has placed in my own heart and just don’t have the confidence to see them happen. What’s the deal?

I struggle a lot with the question “Who am I?” I feel like I don’t fit any molds… I don’t fit any set of usual talent combinations or skills…. I just don’t fit. I think of everything in a very deep, sort of poetic, way and it gets annoying!

I was crying the other night alone in bed, and as I cried I thought to myself “Man, there is just something so beautiful about one tear rolling down your cheek…” And then I cried harder and thought, “See God, who thinks like that?! I’m sick of being a freak.” and His response to me was “but I love that about you”. (Which made me cry even harder – because of the amount of love and acceptance all packed in that little 6 word sentence!) It was an important moment for me. Why do I fight who God made me to be? Why do I fight how creative and artsy I am? Why do I lack confidence? God has put all of these things in me and He loves that about me! He loves that I don’t fit what I think in my mind a Mommy, Wife, Pastor’s wife, Daughter, Sister, Woman, Republican, Christian, should be.

I recently had a good friend call me out on this. He called me out on being so apologetic about the talents God has given me and the desires and dreams God has put in my heart. He called me out on not owning those things. And I mean he really called me out on it! It was a rough, intense, conversation but a possible life changing one at the same time. It’s funny because one of the gifts I see in him is that he has insight. And what do you know… he’s using it! He’s not sitting there scared to use his gift. He didn’t hesitate for one moment to speak the truth to me and he didn’t worry what anyone would think of him, including me. He took the special ability that God has placed in him and he used it. Interesting…

So here’s where I am… I am trying to embrace all of these seemingly random skills and dreams. I’m doing a lot of thinking and asking a lot of questions… and I’m starting to go for it. I am starting to go out on a limb and live! I am trying all of the things I secretly thought I could do if I just had the confidence to do them. And I hope you will do the same starting TODAY. Is there something that God has placed in your heart that you are just afraid to do? Some dream that you need to go for? I hate to quote my husband (cuz he’s a dork) but he was right when he preached that each one of us really is a beautiful work of art. God has fashioned you. He has thought long and hard about you and has made you so unique. And he loves that about you! He really does.