She died.

I can not stop crying. Just found out a friend died this morning at 2:30am of cancer. Polly, she was 39 and such a bright soul. I didn't even know her that well but she was someone it was impossible not to love when you spent any amount of time with her. I got to know her when I subbed at the elementary school a few years back. She was supposed to be Malachi's teacher this year....
I know all of the things I'm supposed to be feeling - that she fought hard, that she inspired many, that she loved the Lord well.... but it just seems like if SHE couldn't beat it, who can? Who can best this foe we call cancer?
The following is a heartbreaking message left by a child on her facebook page last night: "Hi Ms. Tompkins, this is Caleb. I wanted to write you again and tell you that I wish I could come over to your house and make you better. I keep crying and my heart hurts and I feel sad for you and your family. I love you Ms. Tompkins!" I read it last night, when she was still alive and fighting, and cried (of course - how can you not cry after reading something so touching.)
The last time I saw her I was whining to Rob about something small and he was joking with me and hugging me trying to get me lighten up... and she just smiled at us and in her eyes I could almost see her enjoying his love for me. I look back and just feel stupid for caring so much about temporary things on that day.
Anyone who knows me know that music is the way my heart expresses itself. The night my brother Joe died I got down on my knees in a dark living room and sang to God sobbing with hands lifted - at the time it just seemed like the only thing to do because what do you have in those moments but the one who created you? All else stops and time stands still and little things don't matter. Today the song I can't seem to get out of my head is Bethany Dillon's "Hallelujah" mostly because of the line (speaking of God) "And only you could see the good in broken things". I need Him to come today and hold me and help me to see the good in broken things.....
Here are the lyrics:

Who can hold the stars

and my weary heart?

Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard

Sometimes I feel so far

But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain

Swim the ocean

Or do anything

But it's when you hold me

that I start unfolding

All that I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me

Help me to sing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me

I choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun

That rises over castles

And welcomes the day

Spills over buildings

And into streets

Where orphans play

And only you

Can see the good

In broken things

You took my heart of stone

And you made it home

And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me

Help me to sing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me

I choose to sing hallelujah