What Happened to Protest

So. I know we had asked for prayers for Protest and provided details and then when he died had only the energy to write "he died. we're sad" So here's what happened in a nut shell.

He has always chewed things vigorously since the day we brought him home. After two weeks of him being very ill and getting super skinny and trying things like IVs for fluids and treatments for upset stomach the vet recommended an ultra sound. We took him in and they discovered he had something abnormal in his small intestines.

Later that day in surgery they pulled two pieces of chewed plastic (one from toy grapes and one from a nebulizer cartridge) and an industrial looking string (we think is from our area rug). So surgery went well but a day after he got a fever and then his blood stopped accepting and proteins (and due to that, no water either). With in 1/2 a day he couldn't even stand for more than a couple seconds. They called us in to pet him and when we got there the kids started laughing and said "Look, Protest's head grew" when really it was that he was so thin it looked entirely unproportional. He was like a little skeleton with fur.

As we sat on the floor of the office petting our very sick little puppy I told the kids that he was probably going to die. Our son was sad but didn't cry. He just kissed him on the nose and said "But I don't want him to die." Our daughter, in true form, whipped her neck around, glared at the doctor and said "You don't look like a doctor. If you were a doctor you could give him medicine and make him better!" And then she started crying and told me she wasn't going to leave because she wanted to stay so she could "see what that doctor was doing to Protest". (I had to admire her protectiveness.)

We left with the knowledge that they were going to try one more thing but a few hours later they called and said it didn't work and he would not recover. They recommended euthanizing him.

I went down alone. He was my baby. Bought yes, as our son's dog, but anyone who spent 5 minutes in our house knew who's dog he really was. He'd pal around with me all day and then sleep every night, under the covers, in the nook behind my knees that my legs created as I'd lye on my side.

I pulled out into the beautiful soft falling snow. A sad song played on the sterio... I arrived a mile away at the vets and went in slowly. The vet was crying and the nurse was giving me a look of pity. My dog, laying on the table lifted his head as far as he could and wagged his tail ever so slightly (he was so weak). And I started to ball. "This wasn't supposed to happen" I thought. "This is the dog we bought to replace Munro" (our 13 year old dog). "He's only 6months old.... he's my baby... he's my dog... he has cuddled with me as I've cried and made me laugh when I was down... he's my dog." As I sobbed my head was buried in his face and he licked the tears off my chin. I looked into his chocolate brown eyes and smelled him one last time... and I told him he was a good doggy. Then gave permission to put him down.

The vet cried and apologize 600x for not being able to save him and I gave him a big hug and reassured him that he did his best and that things die.

A few days later we went, picked up the body and with the kids took him to our land in Endicott and buried him along with his sweater, collar, and Christmas bone we never got to give him.

So here we are, all dealing with it differently. I have caught our son filling boxes with toy dogs and burying them around the house... and he came to me today and as he handed me his swimming puppy toy he said "Here Mom. You can has this so you won't miss Protest so much".

Our daughter gets excited and says things like "Hey guys I prayed that Jesus would bring Protest back to life and he'd eat his bone and then dig his way out and run home to us! So he will! Cuz I prayed it!"

I just cry occasionally and miss him as I walk around the house alone.... And I'll be honest. I'm mad. I told Rob the night he died "Ya know, I can only take so many things with grace." (Have you ever felt like that? Like 'Ok enough's enough'?) I asked (more like yelled at) God the other night "What? WHAT! I can't have a dog now either? WHAT?!?!?! What is your point?!" No answer as of yet...

And who knows how Rob feels about it cuz he's a man. So that vault is sealed. :)

Anywho... that's that. I'm pretty busy with school now so it many be a while inbetween posts. And to be frank I'm at the stage in my life where I don't feel like I know anything anymore. Passed the young person know-it-all-stage to where I now feel like saying "Don't ask me anything. I have no clue."

I think I'll be a hermit for a while.