life, as christian sees it

Glass Anniversary

2011-01-23T18:23:00.000-08:00

We recently took the kids for the day to The Corning Museum of Glass. It was actually our 11th wedding anniversary. (No sitter available so we decided to have a fun day vs a romantic day as a 5 and 6 year old tend to put a damper on romance.) In December I had bought a family pass to NY's museums for $65. It gets us into Corning, Roberson, and about 200 other places for free for a year. Good deal especially in the cold months when we get bored.

What was great about this place is we got exhausted before we got bored. Spent about 5 hours there.

Malachi ( my wise guy) looks at these tags and says "What, are they giving away kids here?"

You can pay to make something and take it home so we decided to do sand blasting. First you pick out a cup, decorate it with stickers, and then they blast it with sand. It leaves the shapes of the stickers as clear glass while the rest is turned frosted by the sand. Pretty cool.The blasting machine.

Finished products.

Lots and lots of demonstrations.

Glass burger - it was about two feet across. Impressed Malachi of course.

You can print off scavenger hunts from home and then the kids have to look for certain pieces of art. It's great at holding their attention in the exhibit area.

We will be going back for sure.

Cutting Calories and Credit Cards

2011-01-04T03:25:00.000-08:00

So lately I have been growing more tired of debt and the stress it brings. I have come to realize that spending $20 here and $20 there on credit for little stupid shopping trips or unnecessary meals out adds up fast. Furthermore, because of that, if some truly awesome opportunity comes along in life I wouldn't be able to go for it because I'm bound up in all this debt. This revelation has been processing in my mind for a long time. First I just tried to not use my credit cards but things like gas for the car or an unexpected need sent that right out the window. I have lived without credit cards before and know that if I don't have the card to fall back on I will plan ahead better and get creative with how to make it all work financially (although it sucks :0) So last week this frustration came to a head (and really didn't have anything to do with the holidays or new years...). Painfully I cut up my two cards. Ouch! It was a rough decision but (for me at least) there's no other way to stop the bleeding than to not have the option. So, yeah.... it has sucked already. (Hahaha - I'm pathetic, I know.) However I am slowly adjusting and every time I feel frustrated or think about the debt itself I just remind myself that if I'm focused that weight will slowly disappear.
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On top of that cutting I have also began to cut calories, watch portion sizes and exercise more because I weighed in at 190 on the 26th (not cool). When I got married I was 150. Now, I can hide it pretty well but still, 40 pounds Christian?.... Com'on. I realize I won't get down to 150 and won't even try but at (almost) 30 years old I should be much closer to 160/170. Soooo... I am changing my eating and exercise habits. (This also has been long in the works in my mind and not necessarily related to the new year). The first week I lost 3 pounds. That was encouraging! I weigh in on Sundays. Yesterday (Monday) I didn't do so hot with the calorie part of it all but I will pick myself back up today and do better. Rome wasn't built in a day, right?
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I share these things because I know that in the past when I've kept these goals to myself I cop-out and quit and then don't have to answer to anyone about it because no one knows. So I blog it out to you today because I want to have accountability. I want to meet these goals.
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I will be updating you weekly on these things.

A Homemade Christmas

2011-01-02T16:58:00.000-08:00

Well here it is. The post showing all of my homemade Christmas gifts. Humorous as it may sound I did not make anything for Rob and the kids because I give them my test runs of everything so they get made stuff all the time.
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First we have 5 scarves I made for my Karpel nieces and nephews (siblings). I got the money to buy the yarn by selling a chair I found on the curb on Craig's List! Sweet! This scarf I made for a friend who walks a lot.

My kids helped me a lot with this project for my niece Hailey and nephew Payton (siblings): I bought two matching scratched up end tables at good will for $3 each. I had my kids sand them down and paint them with chalk board paint so Hailey and Payton would have their very own chalk board table. They turned out really cute!

I made baby doll blankets and pillows for my four young nieces:
I tried really hard to come up with things I could make that my three nephews who are 7, 9, and 10 would like but couldn't figure out anything they would think was a good gift. I didn't want to be "Aunt So-and-so" who gives you the hideous gift you are forced to thank them for. (Haha.) So I got them kits from Lowes for them to build cars and coin sorters. I figured if THEY made their gift it'd still be along the same idea.

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For most of the adults on my list I made these rice therapy bags. The inner bean-bag type pouch contains uncooked rice and a touch of essential oil. Heat in the microwave for two minutes and you have a warm heat pack to put on your neck. There were four different essential oil scents I let people choose from without telling them what I was making: Warm Sugar Cookie, Cranberry Mandarin, Coconut Lime, and Apple Cinnamon. They all smelled divine with heated up. Then I made a washable cover for each reflecting that person's style and favorite color. I made a ton! (This isn't even all of them!) They were a hit and I hope they help my family and friends relax all year.

Making almost all of my Christmas gifts was stressful and time consuming for sure but worth it.

"not doing so good" phase

2010-12-26T02:13:00.000-08:00

Intro to the actual post:

Part of the reason I write this blog is because I struggle with mental illness and I want to change the stigma attached to it. Most people I know see me as completely normal and yet I struggle daily with depression and a mood disorder (which is, if you will, the little sister to bi-polar, meaning that I can be happy and energetic one minute and completely sullen and down the next and not be faking either). I feel like we are taught to be ashamed of things like depression especially in Christian circles because "Christ offers so much hope" and "Aren't you just happy with how blessed you are". Those statements, however, are like saying to a diabetic "Come on. Just suck it up and don't be diabetic. Life is what you make it. You're not diabetic. I've watched you eat sugar once and you were fine." Or to a person with a broken leg "Walk it off. There's nothing wrong with you." It's silly. My mom (who also struggles with depression) had a counselor tell her once "People that don't understand, THANK GOD they don't! Because that means they don't go through the mental hell you face everyday." I may not have that verbatum but that was his point and it's true. THANK GOD a lot of you don't understand because it's horrible. I wouldn't wish it on an enemy. So anyway, that is part of why I blog so openly and wear my heart on my sleeve to help change this social stigma and help closet depression sufferers not feel like they're the only ones who feel the way they do.

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Actual Post:

As with anything in life I have seasons of "doing good" with depression and "not doing so good". And thankfully I have learned to recognize when I start to slip into a "not doing so good" phase because then I can be proactive about not letting it slide into a full on metal break down. For the last few months I have been smack dab in the midst of a "not doing so good" period. I'm actually never sure what starts these seasons. I used to keep it to myself because I didn't want to bother people or worry anyone or make anyone angry (which is sometime how people react) but then it would get slowly worse until I was unable to get out of bed or stop the anxiety attacks on my own. (I shutter even thinking about times I have gone through this... awful.) Anyway, I have learned that I HAVE to share when I am slipping back in to a bad place so that people who love me can keep me accountable to doing the things I need to do to reverse this. However, I am not always good at this. It's easier to just say I'm fine so that I don't have to talk about it. Rob has become really good at "reading me". Just yesterday he looked at me and said "How ya doing?" with the tone in his voice that wasn't small talk, it was "how is your heart doing?" and I lied and said "fine". (Sorry babe - of course I'm pretty sure you knew it was a lie). Well, sleepless nights (like tonight), racing thoughts, and inappropriate guilt say other wise. So "da-da-da-daaaa" (that was trumpet sounding): I am not doing well. There, I said it.

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I have certain triggers that I have come to know and I try to avoid them. Some are things, some are thoughts, some are certain people. If I know a time is coming up where I'm going to have spend time with said people I am really anxious for weeks leading up to it. As far as thoughts, all of us, whether depressed or not, have thought patterns that we have formed over the years - natural ways our thoughts flow. Sort of like a hill with water running down it. After years of running down it has formed a rut that channels the water. It then becomes really difficult to redirect the water without some major work. This is one of the things I have to attempt to work on, especially in my "not so good" seasons.

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One of the inappropriate water (thought) channels I deal with is a feeling of responsibility for people or things that I actually do not have responsibility for. For instance, world hunger. Although it certainly is a large issue I walk around obsessing about it and feel enormous guilt because "if I was just doing more, if i was just education more people about it, if I was just ....." I feel like it is my fault. World hunger is my fault. Even typing it out makes me grin because of the absolutely ridiculousness of the thought but that's what I think multiple times a day. "It's all my fault." I do this with people too. Certain people in my life are triggers because I feel this overwhelming urge to rescue them from their bad choices or situation. So I feel overactive guilt anytime I can't do so. I also, many times, feel like I have to love people soooo much and encourage people sooooo much that I drain myself completely. I think about how unloved and unlovable I have felt and how much hate and anger there is in the world that I exhaust myself by pouring my attention into others to the point of break down for me. It sounds nice (or perhaps to you sounds like I'm patting myself on the back) but it's destructive. No one can possibly thrive under the pressure I put on myself. I know that in my head and I know that enough to type it out here but my heart never remembers this.

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I feel like life is very surreal these days. Like we all are running around busy with this and that preparing for "tomorrow" but it never really comes because the next day we're still just preparing for "tomorrow". This is true and good to keep in mind but not to the point of feeling like life is meaningless (which I sometimes do). BTW this is where a well meaning person would insert something about how "blessed" I am because they don't get that even the things they call blessings are abstract to a person in this mental state. But that's ok, I deal with it because as said above THANK GOD they don't get it. Anywho, this is a thought I have been fighting lately. Water I am trying to redirect.

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I am struggling with anxiety lately over a book I am trying to write. It is about experiences I have had and observations I have made but many of the topics are hard for me to revisit and so I get anxious. Maybe you would then advise me to stop writing it then but deep down I feel like (and Rob agrees) that these things MUST come out of my soul at some point. I HAVE to purge them, get them out. Kind of like throwing up tainted food. The process is violent but the outcome is life saving.

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As my 30th birthday approaches I feel like I know nothing. Nothing about life. Nothing about God. Nothing. Which maybe is normal at this age - past the early 20s when you know everything :) So I feel lost about common topics that people feel really strongly about because I have no idea what the actually factually truth is about it. I just don't know. I don't know anything.

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I see a psychiatrist once every 6 months or so and upon seeing him a few weeks ago even he said "Man. You're not doing well at all. Come see me in a month". So if you are worried reading this know that I am under his watchful eye and Rob's. I don't write these things to scare or worry anyone. Just to be honest and to let it out. In fact I feel better than when I started typing now that i think about it.

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Although I don't want you to worry any gentile (and I do mean GENTILE) reminders to be kind to myself and take care of myself from you all would be appreciated.

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PS- I apologize if this post kinda rambled on and on...

Fiber Arts and Such

2010-11-21T17:46:00.000-08:00

I have been knitting quite a bit these days, making many Christmas gifts. I am trying to make most of this year's gifts and have found some cool projects to try. It's been a little hard coming up with homemade things my little nephews will actually like but I think I finally have a good idea. We shall soon find out. After Christmas I'll post lots of pictures.

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I have been finishing up some quilts lately that I have been working on for far too long. Here are three I made for a friend who is having a baby soon: The large one is for her, the smaller for the baby, and the tiny one for her (the baby) to use with a baby doll. I really like the way they turned out. (Pink and blue are my friend's favorite colors.)

I have also finished up one for my friend in Minnesota, James. He ONLY likes blue :) so I worked hard to make an interesting quilt with only shades of blue (and a little white). I am working right now to finish up one more quilt that is already started and then I am FINALLY making one for just Rob and I. It's the whole "The cobblers children have no shoes". I have made so many quilts for some many people and Rob and I sleep under a thin, rough to the touch, cheap comforter bought for like $40 ten years ago. Not complaining just saying that it's kinda silly seeing as I make and give away such pretty, warm blankets. So, soon I'm starting one just for us and I really have some great ideas for it.

Strays Find Me

2010-11-06T19:52:00.000-07:00

Somehow, if in a crowd, stray children single me out. When I say "strays" I mean kids who I can tell are either neglected or abused. They randomly approach me in public places and ask me for something. Could be big or small but regardless this happens a lot to me and I'm not sure why. My mom says that children can just tell when you are loving like it's a vibe you give off. And she would know. She has had the same things happen to her.
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Two examples from the last few months:
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Mya: Rob and I took the kids to Oak Island, NC this summer for a beach vacation. My parents came for the first few nights too. The first night we were there all six of us went down to the beach that by then (7pm) had been deserted. It was only our family on the beach... and one little girl. She looked to be about 10 and was splashing in the waves but there was no adult of any kind in sight. Right as I was thinking it my Dad said "So WHO is going to be here to pull this girl out if she gets sucked under by a wave?!" It was weird. A couple of us hung out on the beach until we saw her walk back to the house she was staying in (which happened to be right next to ours).

The next day there were more people on the beach and she was on the beach - still no adult with her. Well now I was getting irritated and worried for her. I kept catching her looking at me and then looking away. I was knitting and it was Rob's turn to watch the kids in the water. Elise was cold and had wandered up to warm up in her towel. Right about then I heard a small voice say "Can you come over to my house and play?" and it was the girl. She was talking to Elise. My daughter (who is completely innocent, as she should be at 5) looks at me expectantly and says "I don't know. Mom, can I?" Of course in my head I'm like "Umm NO. NO. NO FREAKIN WAY" but I said out loud instead "Well I don't think it's appropriate for us to go into each other's houses because we don't know each other well but (turning to the girl) if you want I can ask your Mom if you can come over to our porch for a little party with snacks?" (Beach front houses are all squished together there and there was about 6 feet between the two porches so I thought the mother might be ok with it if she could sit on her porch and observe.) The little girl agreed and told me her name was Mya and that she was 9. But she let me know that it was not her mother but her Grandmother. That's fine I said. No problem. I'll go ask your Grandmother. So, I went up to ask, all the time thinking she'd be hesitant, so I was choosing my wording and explanation well. However when I asked she didn't even look up at me from her magazine, blaring music, Coors light, and cigarette hanging out of her mouth and said "Yeah. Fine. Whatever." OH MY GOSH. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? There is NO WAY ON EARTH my little people would be going ANYWHERE without me in a case like this.

Anyway, so Mya walked over to our house with us and the three kids had chips, cookies, soda, and played board games. (BTW - with NO ONE from her house on their deck even glancing over periodically). At one point the kids got bored with games and we started charades. About two hours into the "party" I said "Ok Mya. I think it's time to go home now because we need to be able to spend some family time together." Tears welled up in her eyes "Oh but this is the best party I've ever been to" she said. I assured her we'd spend some more time with her the next day. And we did.

The next night at 11pm Rob and I were having wine on our deck with the lights off so we could see the stars. Some moron a few houses down was shooting of small fireworks but we didn't mind. We were just happy to be chillin' with the ocean breeze on our faces. The door to Mya's rental opened and an old man walked out. He walked down their pier and starts saying "Mya.....Mya....?" Not even in what I would call a yell. He did this for maybe a minute and then GOES INSIDE and shuts the door behind him. My head whips around to Rob and I go off "Are you freaking kidding me? Are you freakin kidding me Rob?!?! A 9 year old out alone at 11pm?! Do you KNOW what kind of people are out lurking at 11pm?! Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Rob is looking at me in agreement but, true to my nature, the poor guy can't even get a word in cause as my friend Robin J would say "I was hot".

I storm off down our pier, bra-less in a big t-shirt and my PJ shorts (None of which is a pretty scene. I've had babies... just sayin'). I am livid, walking and mumbling to myself. I finally, about ten houses down, see her little silhouette on someone else's deck and although I thought at the time I was going to say her name in a normal tone what came out was "MYA" in that low mama-aint-playin tone. What's even better is she actually immediately turns to the people and says "Ooo I gotta go" and runs down their pier to me. I wasn't even convinced as I was storming the beach that she would come with me even if I found her but sure enough, she ran off that deck right to me. "What's up" she said with a shaky I-just-got-caught voice. "What's up? What's up?! You wanna know what's up? There's a 9 year old on a beach at 11pm with NO ONE WATCHING HER! Mya, do you know what could happen to you out here? People could take you. People could hurt you. You could drown!" The lecture went on all the while with her going "Yes ma'am. I know. Sorry. Yes ma'am." In the moment I was, in my head, like "Christian. You are insane. you've known this girl for a day. What are you doing?" But I couldn't stop my mouth from spewing out concern. And she didn't seem to really mind.

We got to her stairs and I marched her up to the door and she opening it and went in. Looking back I should have yelled at the Grandparents but in the moment I was just pissed and knew she was home. My husband is watching all of this from our porch just grinning and shaking his head. He knows I'm "passionate" which is the nice way to say "outspoken jackass". But he loves that about me. I got on the porch and said "Holy crap. I'm Robin J!" and we both laughed. You see, if any of you know Robin J you also know that she will lovingly scold kids not just in random states but random countries as well. And just like me with Mya they actually respond to her. The reason is that she never comes across as the angry adult who is scolding because you should respect this or behave like that but they can sense that she is speaking up because she cares. Her poor husband Steve sits on the side lines like Rob, seeing it coming in his wife a mile away.

Anyway, I digress. Back to Mya. So I go to bed feeling funny about the beach situation. I'm still mad but I'm wondering how the rest of our stay will be with our oh so lovely neighbors. The next day on the beach our blanket is out and once again I am knitting. I glance up and down the shore line and see Mya about 100 yards away. I just look back down and keep knitting thinking "Well, I'm sure she's not going to talk to me anymore." No sooner did I complete that thought than I hear slight movement behind me. I turn and it's Mya, drawing in the sand with her finger. She looks up and says "Oh. Hey. I didn't see you there." My heart melted. It never ceases to amaze me how much children yearn for boundaries, yearn for someone to care enough to get mad when they can't find them. Her family left the shore that night.

I think of Mya so often. So often....

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Example number 2 (and much shorter, I promise :0)

The little Chinese Girl:

I took Rob and the kids out for Chinese food the other night because I was tired from work and didn't want to cook. As we entered the restaurant a small girl (once again probably nine years old or so) directed us to a table and gave us silverware. I'm thinking "Oookay...." but I'm SURE that she will disappear and an adult will emerge to be our server. Nope. She did the entire thing start to finish. She wrote our order so carefully on her little pad of paper writing neatly and slowly as any elementary student who is trying really hard to do a good job does. Malachi who is clueless of the problem with this situation says "Aww. How cute. We have a little girl for our waiter." I am growing more and more uncomfortable as she rolls silverware, takes orders over the phone waits on multiple tables at a time and swipes people's credit cards as they pay. Our food arrives and while we are all munching away, heads down, once again a little small voice is near me. "Can I ask you a question?" she says. "Sure" I respond. She pulls a piece of paper from behind her back and says sheepishly "Can you help me with my math homework because I don't understand it?" Tears are welling up in my eyes even as I type this and go back to that moment. My heart sank. "Sure" I said once again and helped her figure out the problems that were stumping her all the while thinking "Your MOTHER should be doing this with you". Not mad at the little girl of course, just heart broken over the situation. There were other women in the restaurant that night but she singled me out..... once again... not sure why.
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I don't have a moral to the story in this post. It's simply a reflection... something that goes through my mind a lot...... And you can say "Turn the parents in" but I know from trying to get approved for foster care that the system is overwhelmed and broken. It's just unfortunately not that simple. So here I sit. Broken hearted and feeling helpless. Yet still, they come.

Daisie & Grandpa D

2010-11-04T17:06:00.000-07:00

My Grandpa died and I am sad. That's really all I have to say about that. Buried too many loved ones this year.

Slaughter Day

2010-10-23T16:52:00.000-07:00

This is the head of a goat. This is the head of a goat that we killed. This is the head of a goat that we killed and cooked. This is the head of a goat that we killed and cooked for slaughter day. This is the head of a goat that we killed and cooked for slaughter day this year.

Every year for, oh I don't know, almost a decade I'd say, we and our Warren Ham crew select an animal and slaughter it and roast it over an open fire in the woods as a sort of fall celebration. We have done pigs, cows, and even emu's. This year was our little goat friend here. Along with the meat (cooked in various forms as you'll see below) the ladies always bring delicious side dishes and desserts too and it's just a great flavorful night with the old friends. Some years it's 50 people and some years it's small like this year but every year is a much needed break from the daily/weekly/yearly grind.

A shot of the shanty - no power up here in the woods but there is a wood stove which is nice when the sun sets for the little ones to warm up. See the deer horns on the side of the door? Elise, my little animal loving almost vegetarian, said in a disgusted tone "Geez. They sure like to kill things up here, don't they?!" Hahaha. Later on our drive home I asked the kids as I usually do after any event, "What was your favorite part of the day?" to which Elise stated "My favorite part? Nothing. They killed a goat Mom!" Hahaha. To each his (or her) own. But don't let her words fool you. She was all smiles all night as she played and ate desserts :)

Joel, Chris and Rob (and usually Tim but he's excused for having a baby 3 days before) cut up the meat all afternoon right at the campsite, prepping it for cooking.

There, of course, is always a keg of root beer or in the case of this year, birch beer.

What would be a campfire without a little boy poking it? Oh, I mean "fixing it".

Sister has to join in now of course.

The pot that will host the goat stew. My sister Jess is the one sitting in the stone thrown there - she was psyched to come up from Pitt for a visit just to find out it was slaughter day weekend!

Chris' daughter Hazel slept through most of evening.

Malachi loves babies and took many turns holding and feeding her :)

Yummy home made pumpkin whoopie pies.

Goat meatloaf cooking in a dutch oven.

These are templates for making shirts. Carved backwards so you spray on bleach and then press face down onto your blank shirt.

Rob stirring the stew.

Sally's fresh rolls. To. Die. For. These are just as famous and anticipated as the slaughtered animal!

Pumpkin whoopie pies and fresh warm apple crisp.

Finished stew. It was good. Meat was nice and tender. I'm not a huge meat fan in general so I only had one bowl but others had quite a few helpings.

Done meatloaf.

"Time to eat the kid"

I miss that place so much. Before we all had kids we'd be up there every Saturday night rain or shine just chillin in the woods. Axe throwing competitions, a never ending supply of mountain dew and way too many discussions about constructing a round boat.

Yes, we are strange. But we all fit together so nicely. My 5 year old looked at Chris Barker half through the night and whispered to me "He's weird" to which he and I started cracking up, "You have no idea Elise. This is just the tip of the iceberg!"

Viva Warren Ham.

Home Growth

2010-10-14T18:18:00.000-07:00

I am wicked behind on blogging these day with work and school and life but I am trying to slooooowly catch up. This summer we did a tiny amount of gardening and I wanted to share some pictures. Rob's small crop of veggies did well and were of course beautiful to look at and tasty to eat.

One day while at Agway for something random the kids begged me to let them buy seeds. I did the whole "Yeah. Yeah. Fine. Just grab 'em." that moms do when they are in a hurry and then sat them down with dirt and pots more to amuse them than expecting anything to grow. They planted different kinds of seeds in the same pots, forgot to water them, and even Gus (the dog) knocked them over more than once. But low and behold, many grew and grew HUGE.

Watermelons - One watermelon seed took root and right before vacation I was like "Man, I better at least put this into the ground before we leave so it maybe will have a chance." I quickly stuck it in my flower bed (once again sure it wasn't going to grow) and when i did it was about 2 inches high. When we returned a week later it was huge and starting to sprawl.

It produced two melons. We had never grown watermelons before so we found out the hard way that we picked them way too early. BUT the red-ish one still was tasty. Next time we'll do a little more reading up and prep work so we can actually enjoy a fully ripened one. The kids were still very excited to eat the fruits of their labor.

These were some they planted and they grew higher than Elise!

These I bought but wanted to show you the flower box Malachi made for me with Daddy one day :) I love it.

And last but not least - this may not look like much but it's a young golden rain tree that I started down in Maryland from just a tiny twig and I can't wait until it's grown and starts to flower.

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All four of us are excited about planting a large garden next year. We plan to use about a third of the back yard (and one third for the chickens - I want 3, Rob wants 6.... we'll see. He DOES eat a ton of eggs...) We're already planning our planting strategy so that we have things coming up at different times all spring, summer, and fall long.

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I love nature.

Purging

2010-10-07T18:10:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while you have to examine your life and purge the dead weight. I am going through one such time now. Best Buy was to the point where I realized that the issues I had there were never going to improve so I quit. My last day was Saturday the 2nd of October which strangely enough was the one year anniversary of the store opening. I started a new part time job I got in an Chiropractic office recently and love it. I'm still nervous and learning TONS every day but a) it's in the field my degree is in, b) has more potential for the future, c) is 8-4 week days so I'm home with my children at night and d) is only 10 min from home instead of 45. I am learning to be a Chiropractic Assistant there - taking blood pressures, etc. It's all very exciting to me. The doctor is also very into natural remedies which REALLY interests me. It seems like an honest to goodness God-sent to me.
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Also...... I decided to end youth group and the youth rec center all together. Both of which I'd work so hard to get lessons and snack and money around for just to sit there alone. I gave both the college try (youth rec center one year) but to continue to do something that's not working is the definition of insane. I'm not sad about closing the youth house either because I truly gave it all I had. I feel like the trying has to count even if the action is a total flop.
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Youth group response has been under whelming and as we tried different things I tried to think about what the difference was between the youth group I grew up in and the one I was trying to run. All of the sudden one night recently it hit me like a ton of bricks: the parents. My youth group as a child and teen loved Jesus and we wanted to follow Jesus and lead others to him and were passionate but the difference was our parents were ALL fully in love with Jesus and themselves shared Christ. Without this element our youth group never had a chance. I can bang my head against the wall til the cows come home but if youth see their parents living "good lives" but with Jesus only being a small piece of the pie (if any at all) then they will naturally feel no need to make him anything more. I will continue to hang with and mentor the few kids that showed up on a regular basis via taking them out to eat, going to their sports games etc. But as for an open invitation gathering, no.
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My heart has been tugged HARD upon by the Lord recently by the overwhelming stat that 26,000 children die PER DAY of hunger related causes. I have cried, I have pondered, I have brainstormed, and I have felt helpless over this fact... what the heck can I do to even put a dent in this number? I mean I sponsor a few kids through Compassion and give to missions here and there but I don't want this stat to be true. I want this stat to decrease a lot in my life time. but how?
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Rob was the one to convince me to end youth group and focus more on this cry of my heart for the time being because God puts things on our hearts for a reason. I'm not sure how that will translate yet... probably some fasting so I can really FEEL hungry like they do and prayer.... maybe I will gain some clarity then.... not sure....
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My daughter has also been very effected by the poor around the world lately. This summer in bible school she learned about Haiti and what happened there and ever since has been giving her money to missions and trying to come up with ideas to help poor children. She draws pictures of people handing out aid and asks me many questions. I tear up every time at her heart for the poor. We are getting ready to make shoe boxes for Samaritan's Purse and she and Mal are excited to shop for the items they will each make for a child their age. Honestly, THEY challenge me all the time with their generosity and how they really get "do unto others as you would have it done unto you".
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I graduate in about 4 weeks. Life is changing..... but life is good.

Treman

2010-09-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

I was very stressed about a month ago and sent Rob a text from work saying that I gave away the next two days shifts at work and to pack the camper cuz I NEEDED to go camping for a few days. It's Rob so he happily obliged. We headed just 20min away to Robert Treman State Park. It was rainy but great to get away none the less. We rented a non-hook up site for $15 per night and got about $30 worth of groceries. Love cheap get aways! Just what we all needed.

Love this one. So like a little boy "Ew Mom."

Watching a video with Jiffy Pop. We had lunch this day at College Town Bagels in Ithaca near the commons and let me say that I can not go to Ithaca with out eating here. They have about 100 bagel sandwiches and I can get avocado on ANYTHING I WANT. I am in HEAVEN when I'm eating there. No joke.

Sewing with Mommy while Rob read and Malachi watched an action movie in the jeep. She was making a little pillow for herself. Hiking at Toughannock State Park (just 10min from Treman).

Mal was very into collecting different kinds of leaves he came across.

That's smoothed stone, not water. If you wanted to you could walk the whole way on the creek bed.

Mal was pouting about something here and lagging behind. So this was me taking a picture over my shoulder to make sure he was still walking but as to not let him know I was checking :)

A baby here. A baby gone.

2010-09-12T18:00:00.001-07:00

I'm supposed to be writing a paper right now so I'll be quick. I just can't stop thinking about something that happened today... Ya know when you're having a good time with friends and you get a text that's not good at all and as you are absorbing what the text says you fake a little chuckle at your friends as they continue on with their conversation? You don't say anything because you have to explain too much to make it worth the trouble of even bringing it up?.... I did that today. I was at a baby shower and was just sitting back observing a couple surrounded by so many people that love them and were there to celebrate the arrival of their child. It was nice. Watching those glances shot between the happy couple and seeing all of the warm and pretty pink gifts that will grace a warm and loving home. While watching all of this my phone started vibrating. I looked down to see who was texting me and read a message from a friend beside herself because her child's father was holding the baby captive and not letting her see the child. She fears he will take her to court for full custody and to be honest, the more I think about it, he'll probably win. It was one of those "time stands still" moments where you feel yourself blink but it's seemingly in slow motion. What strange timing for that text. One baby is being joyfully welcomed and one has disappeared from the one who gave birth to it. I know this next thought is obvious to many but has been swirling around in my mind since that moment: When I gave birth to Malachi some one's son died somewhere probably not too far away, perhaps in the same hospital. The day I got married someone was calling it quits with their spouse. I announced today that I got a new job and someone, some where, had to break the news that they lost theirs. On the flip side, the day I was told my first baby had no heart beat and "we're sorry" someone else heard their baby's heart beating strong. It's incredible the parallel universes that exist together and at any moment you can be on one side or the other. Incredible.

My Farmette - Phase One

2010-09-01T20:24:00.001-07:00

Phase one of my dream of having a farmette and growing most of my own family's food is beginning this month. The book I am basing my plans on is a GREAT book called The Backyard Homestead.In this book the author (who had a similar set up as she suggests at her childhood home) walks you through EVERYTHING involved in having a large garden, fruit trees, bees, and live stock. She even walks you through processing the food. Below is a basic idea of what I want when it's all said and done. (Crappy photo I know). The numbers say 1. Vegetables, 2. Fruits and Nuts, 3. Herbs, 4. Grains, 5. Poultry, 6. Meat or Dairy Animals, 7. Wild Foods (aka Bees).What I want when the farmette is complete is:

Fruit trees & bushes
A huge garden with many different veggies & herbs
Bees (for the wax and the honey - the wax is actually the real money maker - cosmetic companies buy it)
A pig or cow per year to be "processed" for most of our year's meat
Two goats for milk, cheese, butter, etc.
Rabbits for meat - I know it sounds heartless at first but rabbit meat is the most lean meat there is and a market for it is growing. The only thing is I can't "process" them myself cuz that WOULD make me cry for sure)
And about a dozen chickens for eggs

I wanted to have a turkey for meat once a year but Rob says their too mean... Oh well.

So a lot of these things can't happen until we own our own property. With Rob's job we live in a house that belongs to the church and year to year you never know if the Methodist church will move you so there's no point investing tons of money into fences, etc, on someone elses land. So the live stock (minus the chickens) will have to wait. Chickens have a small enough area that I am happy to spend the money to start seeing my dream come true now. Fruit trees and bushes will have to wait because they take years to get to the point where they produce a good harvest so not worth doing at a parsonage. The bees, too, will have to wait simply because there are always SO MANY children around and in our yard because of the church right next door. I'd rather wait til I have a large yard that's somewhat private so I can put them in a far corner.

Here's what's happening soon: Chickens, large garden (in the spring), and an indoor herb garden. We will also be adding a tree house (that may or may not end up actually IN a tree :) and a super cool clothes line to our yard. It actually has always relaxed me to hang my clothes. The kids leave me alone when I do it and I just completely zone out by the simplicity of the whole thing. By spring all of this will be in full swing.

I will be sure to post pictures as all of these fun projects unfold.

I can't wait to own my own home so I can do the whole thing!

She died.

2010-09-01T04:53:00.000-07:00

I can not stop crying. Just found out a friend died this morning at 2:30am of cancer. Polly, she was 39 and such a bright soul. I didn't even know her that well but she was someone it was impossible not to love when you spent any amount of time with her. I got to know her when I subbed at the elementary school a few years back. She was supposed to be Malachi's teacher this year....
I know all of the things I'm supposed to be feeling - that she fought hard, that she inspired many, that she loved the Lord well.... but it just seems like if SHE couldn't beat it, who can? Who can best this foe we call cancer?
The following is a heartbreaking message left by a child on her facebook page last night: "Hi Ms. Tompkins, this is Caleb. I wanted to write you again and tell you that I wish I could come over to your house and make you better. I keep crying and my heart hurts and I feel sad for you and your family. I love you Ms. Tompkins!" I read it last night, when she was still alive and fighting, and cried (of course - how can you not cry after reading something so touching.)
The last time I saw her I was whining to Rob about something small and he was joking with me and hugging me trying to get me lighten up... and she just smiled at us and in her eyes I could almost see her enjoying his love for me. I look back and just feel stupid for caring so much about temporary things on that day.
Anyone who knows me know that music is the way my heart expresses itself. The night my brother Joe died I got down on my knees in a dark living room and sang to God sobbing with hands lifted - at the time it just seemed like the only thing to do because what do you have in those moments but the one who created you? All else stops and time stands still and little things don't matter. Today the song I can't seem to get out of my head is Bethany Dillon's "Hallelujah" mostly because of the line (speaking of God) "And only you could see the good in broken things". I need Him to come today and hold me and help me to see the good in broken things.....
Here are the lyrics:

Who can hold the stars

and my weary heart?

Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard

Sometimes I feel so far

But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain

Swim the ocean

Or do anything

But it's when you hold me

that I start unfolding

All that I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me

Help me to sing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me

I choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun

That rises over castles

And welcomes the day

Spills over buildings

And into streets

Where orphans play

And only you

Can see the good

In broken things

You took my heart of stone

And you made it home

And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me

Help me to sing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me

I choose to sing hallelujah

Elephants, beware.

2010-08-21T17:21:00.000-07:00

Oh dear, it's time for me to be brave. To stop putting off my dreams of finding a profession in some sort of creative outlet. Too many excuses for too long and I'm realizing that the timing will never be good so I may as well just go for it. I liken it to people who say things like "We're waiting to have children until our financial house is in order" and those who are older and wiser crack up and say "Then you'll NEVER have kids!" Same thing here. I'm always telling myself that I have to work a "normal" job "until..." and as you guessed it the "until" never really arrives.

It's tough because any form of art driven income is harder to come by then other professions because in part (at least in my opinion) the product is somewhat abstract and immeasurable. For instance I can work for 20 hours and come up with a gorgeous quilt, spending $50 on supplies and yet if I listed it at $100 I would be willing to bet that I would not be able to sell it. Simply because you can go to the store and buy a pretty nice blanket in colors and designs you like for 1/2 that cost. This has been one of my many excuses. But to me having a one-of-a-kind, homemade soft thing to wrap yourself into after a long day is totally worth $100. ESPECIALLY when you consider the fact that the hand made quilts in my house from awesome women who have loved me deeply over the years are FOUGHT over for who gets to use them! Priceless.

If I could (at least at this point in my life) do what really sets my heart on fire it'd be a jumbled mess of the following: creating/selling sewing projects of all sorts, guitar/singing for pay, writing articles and books, and having a farmette that would enable me to grow or raise most of my family's food and sell extras like fruits, veggies, eggs, goat milk, and honey. I guess if you had to put that into one job description you could say I'm a creative-opinionated-tree-hugger for hire although that title doesn't seem like one that will entice anyone to call and offer me gainful employment!

My Dad told me I have to start treating what I want to do like my job and setting aside time for it as seriously as I would if I was scheduled for work. So I'm going to be doing that over the next year. It may mean going to part time at work (not sure yet). It may mean having to adjust to less income and less out of the house activities for a while but at the end of the day who cares? I live in America, for goodness sake, where even when you're poor you're still richer than 2/3 of the world's population.

It's never going to be easy to go for these dreams and to get to the end result where (hopefully) I can make a living doing a combination of these things together so I may as well start to go for it. It's the whole "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." So elephants, beware.

Oak Island, NC

2010-08-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

The view from our porch on Oak Island, NC. We've wanted to rent a house right on the beach for 10 years and finally decided to go for it. Oh my gosh, we loved it. The house was for sale and we were dreaming and scheming of ways we could buy it and move down.

My parents came down and joined us for a few days.

At first Elise was falling when the waves would hit her so my Dad said "Stand strong against the waves" and from then on she'd spread her little feet out and flex her arms at the waves as they came in. It was so cute!

There are these pelican type birds down there that always fly in formation and they dive so incredibly fast into the ocean for fish. I took a video because it entertained me so.

I was looking for something to take down with me to do on the beach. I like to read but can't consentrate unless it's quiet so can't enjoy reading on the beach. So my friend Erica told me to knit. I really liked it! Made a scarf for myself (seen below).The kids wanted to knit and seeing as it's just way too hard for them to do we went out and bought these craft supplies. I remember making these things as a child.

Malachi gave me his finished product - a necklace :) I wore it around like a proud mama. Flying a kite at the beach is classic, of course.

It stormed almost every night. Rob and I loved sitting on the porch, wine in hand, listening to the rain and feeling the warm wind.

Grandma got roped into sleeping with each of the kids.

Malachi insisted that I pose with my new dress.

The necklace I bought for myself. Love it.

The things Elise bought with her own money:

The things Malachi bought with his own money:

Gus and I. It was a self portrait that turned out looking like I was in love with Gus. HaHaHa.The view from inside our living room.

Just chillin'.

Our deck went right onto the beach.

It was the most relaxing week I think I've ever had. Would move down there in a heart beat. The kids even cried at the end and pleaded "But Dad, can't you just pay them money and buy the house? I don't want to go back to New York!" Maybe someday....

Our New Camper

2010-07-29T18:10:00.000-07:00

Realized I never posted pictures of our new camper. We love it and can't wait to get it registered and on the road!

Folds down into a twin - Malachi's bed

Our bed - a full (Elise will be on a camp cot on the floor).

Our cute little bathroom with tub.

We're all amped up!

2010-07-26T19:53:00.001-07:00

A thought occurred to me the other day. No perhaps this thought occurred to you quite some time ago and you'll be reading this like "Duh, no kidding. You're just figuring this out?" But at any rate I'll share:

I find myself many days agitated. Not over something in particular just agitated, rubbed wrong, pissed off. Hand in hand with this comes impatience with everything and everyone around me. One day recently I was in this mode and sat back at my computer desk simply fed up with always being so on edge. I stood up, exited the house, and although I did indeed feel a bit like a spectacle I went out in my back yard and laid down in the grass on my back. It was a warm day but not too hot and for the first ten minutes or so I just stared up at the trees above me as they swayed peacefully in the breeze. Following their motion with my eyes was mesmerizing. It was especially cool to watch the different types of leaves and how they each move differently in the wind. More important than any of the things I was viewing was the fact that I was being STILL. No real thoughts going through my mind. No feelings really. Just being still, calm, quiet.

I flipped over on to my belly. I love the feeling of grass on my skin and I laid my face right down on it at first. A few minutes later I just laid there with my chin propped on my folded arms and watched the grass and the little critters in it. Lots of clover and more bees that I would have even imaged lived near my yard were going to and fro all around me carrying on with their days work. Even they had a cadence of sorts. A rhythm that held me for a moment.

Then the thought occurred to me... How much of this we miss as we go about our day. Always too busy to watch leaves dance in the passing wind and too preoccupied to look down and notice God's little creatures all around us. No wonder I'm always grumpy. 99% of my day is filled with noise! I work in an environment that has, at any one time, sounds blasting from 3 locations as well as customers speaking to me, phones ringing and co-workers in my headset talking. Then I play the radio all the way to and from work, I go to the gym with an iPod in my ear, get home to chattering children and when and if things do quiet down it's super late and I should be getting into bed if I'm going to survive tomorrow's zoo.

I thought further, no wonder all of us, not just me, freak out when something doesn't go our way during the day, get so frustrated when the line somewhere is too slow, snap at our loved ones. We're all amped up. Ready to blow. We are blasted with so much sensory images and sounds daily we are on edge ready to blow. Imagine if these kinds of scenarios occurred to us when 99% of our lives were spend in peaceful reflection. Calm existence, going about our day in a more quiet and natural setting. Connecting with nature more and stressing less. I don't think we'd really even care if the line was moving at a snails pace.

Part of this discovery came earlier in the week as I was contemplating the fact that I am (as most people are) always working toward this or that but when this or that comes just one more goal is set to attain and we never really arrive in our own eyes. Like, I'm working my butt off for this illusion called "the future" and there is never a "now".

In addition to this I was thinking about how sad it is that people admit they are afraid of silence because then they have to think about deep soul issues. I have had old people admit to me that they went their entire lives not allowing themselves to feel and soul search out of fear of what they might find. Trust me, I've been there. Not wanting to face my feelings, my sinful thoughts, my unmet dreams, my scars, but I'm telling you from experience that it is 100% worth it to stare down that beast that we call silence. Look it straight in the eyes and don't look away. "The truth will set you free" is TRUE. Even if you have to confront in your mind hard things if you are willing to be laid 100% bear before the God who already knows it all yet He loves you more than the stars in the sky He will use that time to calm you, mature you, and bring hope. With this will come less angst and more peace. Even if you're not a Christian you HAVE to go through the process of "what do I believe about life, about death, about everything? Why do I believe it?" Processing this is sooooo important, more than you will ever know.

The next day I sat on the swing outside our house with Rob. Usually I chatter his ear off but this time I made myself stay silent (didn't tell him that was intentional). We just held hands and slowly rocked back and forth for about 20 mins. I stood up, kissed him on the head and went inside to get ready for work, and it was wonderful.

Push Pins Kids Camp

2010-07-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

You might remember a post I did in March about Rob's birthday gift from me being tickets to see a awesome drama group called PUSH... We'll they have a children's camp called PUSH Pins for a week every July in a town outside of Rochester and although I could not afford to send them for the entire week this year we drove them up for one day. They loved it and now we know to start saving up so they can attend the whole thing next summer.

Stretching was the only thing the parents were allowed to attend. We actually didn't realize that we weren't going to be able to hang out so we found ourselves with 6 hours to kill in a small town with not much to do and the temperature at 100 degrees. We sat reading in a park for an hour under a tree to shade us but soon were just too hot. We searched around for a mall hoping for maybe a movie theatre - found a mall, no theatre. So we killed about an hour and half walking around there. Came back and walked around town. Out of ideas we went back into the church the PUSH group was renting to hold the event just hoping to find SOMETHING, ANYTHING to do. As we entered the building one could go right and make their way to the camp activities or one could go left to the dark, closed off sanctuary that appeared as if was supposed to be left alone. I whispered to Rob "Lets sneak in there. Maybe with the lights off all day it'll be cooler in there than out here in the hall." He replied "No. You've been in a hundred sanctuaries in your life and they're the hottest places EVER." "Just let me check" I said as I snuck over to the double doors. I opened them and a cool breeze hit me! It was air conditioned! I waved Rob in and we both settled in on the floor between pews to read (on the floor so we wouldn't be seen. I know, I know, we're such bad rebels!) He got up to sneak to the bathroom and I was laying on my stomach on the floor reading when he left. When he returned a few minutes later I was asleep! He tells me I was snoring. So he let me sleep and he continued to read. I woke up an hour and a half later with a hymn in my head (of-course, right?!) Then we walked and found a Ben and Jerry's ice cream shop to spend our last bit of time in.

The kids loved the day. The PUSH folks taught them many ways to use their imaginations and their bodies to act out ideas and themes. Malachi even got awarded "Camper of the Day" in his age group because of how encouraging and supportive he was the whole time to Elise who was very nervous about the whole thing.

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Please take a minute to view this VERY cool demo they did for the kids on my YouTube page!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A81BmaK8CWU

Elise's 5th Birthday

2010-07-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not feeling especially wordy tonight so here are the photos: The day of her birthday. She asked for 1) a stuffed doggie, 2) a pretty dress, 3) makeup - all of which we got for her, of course.

The day of her party.

She designed her own cake :0)

The Wood Pile

2010-06-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

A few Sunday's ago my son decided to make about 30 poor choices in a row and thus found himself (kicking and screaming) relocating our wood pile.

It all started with a simple request from his mother to stop playing with something left in the pew we were sitting in at church. The object was not ours and so I whispered to him "put it down please" and then immediately closed my eyes (as we were all supposed to be praying). I peaked my eyes open just to see him still handling the object. "Mal" I said again quietly but with that mommy tone "Put. That. Down." I closed my eyes again. Once again I peaked one eye open to discover him gone. A teenager seated on the other side of the sanctuary made eye contact with me and motioned to the choir loft. I looked and there was my lovely son, hiding behind the choir (to my horror). "Little jerk." I thought to myself as I went and retrieved him. We sat back down and I told him he had just lost the trip to the craft store that we were going to take after church and that he better start making better choices.

We sat there quietly for about one min when he starts waving his arms in the air with two thumbs down and giving me a dirty look. It was his silent way of announcing his unhappiness with me. I whispered "You better knock it off or you're going to earn yourself an extra chore today" to which he said "Why don't you make it two!" Calmly (outwardly, not inwardly of course) I replied "Fine. Two it is." Next he got up next to my ear and quietly but forcefully starts repeating "A-pol-o-gize! A-pol-o-gize! A-pol-o-gize!" To which I said "Malachi James I don't have anything to apologize for and you better start making better choices or you'll loose a half hour of TV today." To which my angelic child responded "I don't care, take all my TV away!" "No problem" was my response.

This continued and he racked up several extra chores and as you know, no TV or craft store trip. He kept up the attitude until I stood up, grabbed him in the classic yank-the-kid-by-the-arm-out-of-church fashion we all remember from our youth. He broke away from me as we got to the bottom of the church stairs and attempted to lock himself in the choir room. I made a threat that I don't presently remember, got him out, and walked him over to our house.

We got inside and he went to turn on the TV. "No way mister" I said "You're not watching TV at all today and remember that that was YOUR idea". He started sobbing "No Mom. No! I take it all back! I take it all back! I'm sorry, ok? Now can I watch TV?" "Nope." I said. "You can be sorry but it doesn't take away the consequences of your actions" (man, when did I start sounding so.... so.... parental?) I tossed him a pair of sneakers. (Did I mention he had taken his shoes off in church and refused to put them back on so he was lead out in bare feet? Yes, he's a gem indeed.) I tossed him sneakers and said "Put these on. You're gonna need em".

See, by the time we had gotten over to the house I was so angry at him and wanted a way to get my point across about his attitude without loosing my cool. Grunt work seemed best. Something to wear him out... as I was thinking this I glanced out the window to see a wood pile at the edge of our yard. I honestly didn't know where it had come from but no matter. That would work perfectly. (I later found out that one of the men from the church put it there after their chicken BBQ because they thought we could use it when we do the next youth group campfire.)

"Malachi you are going to move that entire wood pile all by yourself from there (pointing to it) to there (pointing about 20 feet away under our pine tree)". He started screaming and crying - pitching a royal fit. "Are you kidding Mom?! No I'm not! I'M NOT!" Stomping and carrying on. I calmly said "Mal you can do it fast and be done with it or you can pitch a fit and take all day. I don't care. We will be out here until it's done even if it takes all day. The choice is yours." He picked up the first piece of wood and threw it at the pine tree. "Make it right" I said. And he did while screaming "You are so rude! You're rude Mom!" (I know that response doesn't really make sense but he was just down right mad and was verbally throwing out anything he could.) Then he kicked the wood pile. "Come on" I said "get movin'. Soon he was taking about three minutes in between each piece to both curse me and beg me but he was doing it. Relocating the whole pile.

Cars were going by slowing down with their windows down wondering what was going on with this hysterical child no doubt and he was yelling to them "I HATE MY MOTHER!! I HAAAATTTTEEEE MY MOTHEEEEEER!!" I stood calm like a prison yard warden silently pointing from one pile to the other not answering any of his threats or pleas. He threw out every insult he could think of including "You need to learn manners!" which I thought was a cute one.

About an hour passed - him still mad but freaking out slightly less hysterically and me thinking to myself as I was slowly getting sun burned "Man I REALLY hope he gets the point soon cuz I have to make him finish but this is my ONLY day off work this week and I so just wanted to have a nice calm relaxing day". Well, God sent me some help right then. Elise and Rob decided to go over to the neighbors who have a pool - a pool one can view from the dreaded wood pile. "Aha." I thought to myself, "Motivation". Indeed, Mal looked at me and said in a normal tone "Can I go swimming too Mama?" (Notice the tactfully placed 'mama' by the little shyster?) "You can after you finish with the wood pile" I answered. Well, then he started moving. Back and forth. Back and forth. Stacking a few pieces at a time now (still grumbling under his breath but glancing over at the pool where his little sisters giggles echoed from). I offered "If you can do ten pieces in a row without complaining I'll help you do the rest" and he took me up on it. From the time Elise walked over to the neighbors to the time Mal was running over, bathing suit in hand, only 10 minutes had passed.

As he and I had stacked the last piece of wood he stood back, put his hands on his little hips, and in a very matter-of-fact manner stated "Well Mom, I think next time you ask me to stop playin' with somethin' I'm just gonna do it and not pitch a fit or anything." "Good idea" I said surprised that he even remembered how this all started.

A friend of mine said, laughing, that from now on any time he acts up I should just look at him and say "Wood pile" and he should straighten right up! We'll see I suppose.

Stitches

2010-06-03T06:10:00.000-07:00

Mal got hit in the head with a bat Tuesday night at tee ball practice. It was pretty scary at first because there was just soooo much blood. (I'm now told that head injuries bleed A LOT). I felt like an idiot because I am usually very good under pressure/crisis but when Mal lifted his hand off his head and a sheet of blood (not a stream, a literal sheet) poured over his little left eye I got very dizzy and nauseous. It wasn't the blood it was the fact that it was coming from my child's head! Our town is not anywhere near a hospital so internally I was freaking out. I've had a sinus infection and the beginnings of an ear infection so that combined with the panic added to the dizziness and even my ears plugged up and it was hard to hear. Anyway, I feel like as a Mom in the moment, epic fail. But it is what it is. I'm human I suppose. Thankfully one of the children's father is a police officer and was ready with medical supplies and a much needed calm attitude. He told me it was a really deep cut and to take him in for stitches so one of the other team Moms drove us.Mal was so brave the whole time. The cut was small but very deep. He ended up with two stitches below the surface (because the Dr showed me where you could see his little skull) and eight stitches on the surface. She said it will leave a scar and that for the next year we have to really plaster it with sunscreen because if it gets burnt it will stay that color pink for the rest of his life. (Grreeaaattt... no pressure or anything...)
While stitching him up he told the Dr. "You're the best girl I know" and then after she was done he wrote his phone number on a tissue and said "You can call me sometime". Lady killer, that's my boy. When we were walking out she was taking a picture with her phone of the tissue so that she could look at it and laugh on a rough day.

Stitches will come out in about a week and he has to stay out of recess and gym for two. The first night we were home we had to wake him up every two hours and quiz him to make sure he didn't have a more serious brain injury. "What's your name, what's your phone number, what are your cousins names" you get the picture. By 5am I woke him up and said what's your last name and he yelled at me "ABELL" as in, leave me alone Mom! Good, he's feisty. No brain damage here.

I will say that he suffered from his parents horrible communication skills. Rob and I have this knack for thinking we are clear with one another but really we are not. That night, come to find out, each of us went to bed thinking we were the one that would get up and quiz Mal. At 5am after climbing into bed, hearing my phone go off 15 minutes later and watching me walk out of the room, Rob realized we had both been doing it and had been waking the poor little guy up twice as much as needed! Whoops. No wonder Mal was pissed. But better safe than sorry I suppose.

Kindergarten Registration

2010-05-29T14:39:00.000-07:00

My baby girl is now registered for Kindergarten. That's crazy! She was just born the other day, wasn't she?

She's very excited to be going. I know she'll love it and it will be nice for Rob to get every day until 3pm to do his work instead of trying to do it all with a small child following him around saying "What are you doing Daddy? What are you doing? Why? Why are you doing it that way? Wanna see what I can do Daddy? Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. DADDDDYY!!!!!! I'm talking to you Daddy!" (With hand on her hip).

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When they bring them in to register in the spring before they start school they test them on a number of different skill sets and a few weeks later the parents are mailed the results. We got ours back and found that she score very high in clear speech and vocabulary to which we were like "Well yeah. The child never stops talking. Of course she does it well." I kid you not, as I type RIGHT NOW she is rattling on about what the word "pizazz" means and how you would use it in a sentence. (Of-course I'm being a super attentive mother nodding my head and saying "Yeah. Yeah. Cool honey." while tuning her out completely.)

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The things they said she needs work on make sense for the most part too. I think she'll do well and like all of the new things she will learn.

Yep. I think kindergarten will be a good thing for everyone.

Earth Ship

2010-05-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

I LOVE this Earth Ship in New Mexico. Check it out... It says it's available for nightly rentals but I can't find out how to go about that.

http://www.taosearthships.com/83539/index.htm

I Want to Own a Goat

2010-05-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

So. After my post about not having dreams and goals I decided to make some. I went to Buttermilk Falls in Ithaca one sunny, breezy day and laid in the grass with a journal and mapped out my dreams and goals for the next ten years of my life. I won't list them out because quite frankly it's non of your bees-wax :0) but I will say that they range from the large and super-serious all the way down to the most quirky ones like "I want to own a goat". Which is true. I have always wanted to own a goat. I love how they could give a crap about what you want them to do they just look at you and say "maa". I kindred spirit of mine for sure.
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I am working toward these goals both on my own and with Rob. We have a plan that will reveal it's self with in the next two years (give or take).
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It feels good to dream because I'm moving toward something instead of waiting for something to come randomly. A lot of the reason I hadn't allowed myself to dream is because most of my dreams will let down someone but I can't care about that anymore. I'm not who anyone else thinks I should be. I am simply me, and I would not want to hold anyone back from their dreams or potential even if it would let my expectations down somehow.
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As I have started to move toward these goals God has already begun to make connections for me, connections I might need in the future in order to reach my goals.
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I have stepped down from my senior position at work after much thought on it. It took a lot of pushing on my part but I think my bosses will see that if I can be home at night with my children I will be a happier and more productive worker. It is a significant pay cut but I don't care. I'll never have this time back with my children so it's worth every penny lost.
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So that's that. Dreams. Goals. Goat. Awesome.

Gold Teeth and Johnny Cash

2010-04-28T07:33:00.001-07:00

While searching for waterfront property to buy about a month back I found this sandy beach state park called Fair Haven State Park just two hours away on Lake Ontario. Rob and I decided that at the end of April we would go for a long weekend. We left this last Sunday after church and stayed two nights in one of their rustic cabins. This was the view from our front door. Beautiful and calm.

This is the inside of the cabin - perfect for us. Four cots, some shelves and a fridge. They are only about $50 per night and well worth being able to be in the outdoors 90% of your day, sit around a campfire drinking wine with the hubby at night while children sleep, yet protected in case of rain. Also I am a bit nervous about the stranger aspect of camping in tents with my kids so I like that you can lock the door.Our neighbors to the right were entertaining to say the least. A couple in their 60's that, due to a handicap park pass only had to pay $2.50 per night to stay so during the warm months they actually turn off most of their utilities in their home and live in the park because they love nature and it actually saves them money. He had two gold front teeth and talked like boomhower from King of the Hill. Their mini van was maybe worth $500 but inside his cabin he had two Taylor guitars (each worth about $2000). Too funny! And so he'd play and sing Johnny Cash while Elise danced (sometimes joined by Daddy) and Mal played with their three dogs. (I'm more of a toe tapper smiling as I watched my family have so much impromptu fun). He'd get done with each song and say as if talking to a large crowd "Thank you, thank you" and Elise and I would clap as his wife rolled her eyes. They kept lending my kids bootlegged kids movies... And their little pug would come over to our campsite, sit quietly, and when one of the kids finally handed her a graham cracker she'd slowly walk over to her own campsite and sit down to eat it. Very cute little dogs. These folk were quirky but very nice and kind of made the trip.

Sunsets there were beautiful.

The kids loved the beach even in 50 degree weather.

Elise was especially interested in the drift wood and this is a whole log we found.

It was a fun trip but cold for sure. We weren't sure if the cabin had heat when we went and found out it didn't. The first night was fine but the next day was a bit hard to keep warm and around 6pm with my husband happily beside a fire and my kids watching a bootlegged monsters vs aliens I told Rob I'd be back, I was exploring and drove to a Walmart where I bought two small space heaters on clearance for $7 each. SO GLAD I DID. That night was frigid. About 36 degrees with a storm so fierce I prayed at one point for God to not let a tree fall on my car. It was still very cold in the cabin but the space heaters took the edge off just enough that we could sleep.

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This park is absolutely beautiful and would be a great place to take your family especially in the warmer months when you could enjoy the beach. many of the regular camping spots give you a full view of Lake Ontario as it stretches out endlessly. There's a great playground, clean bath houses and tons of wildlife. If you need to, we'd even lend you our space heaters - But you'll have to find our cool neighbors on your own. I'm sure they'll be there somewhere. :)

Vanity, vantity, all is vanity.

2010-04-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

Restless. No other way to say it. I am restless.

I find myself approaching 30, youngest child registered for kindergarten, well settled into my marriage relationship and thinking long and hard about life.

I have never lived where I chose to. I have never be able to pick a home for myself and my family. I have followed Rob's dream for so long I realize that I have no dreams of my own. No goals.

And I hate it.

I live these day sad and restless. Crying all the time. And Mom if you ask me about my meds or anything else I'll scream. Just sayin'. You've been officially warned. This goes deeper than anything meds could touch.

I want something I can connect with. Work just seems like work to me. I don't hate it but I don't love it.

Home is not mine - that's the easiest way to say it. A parsonage is always someone elses from the yard to the roof and many times even if I think about making changes I then rationalize "Why bother. They can move us at anytime and the next pastor might hate the changes we've made." So I live without the qualities that any home I would pick would HAVE to have - a porch for starters... A kitchen with matching appliances, which parsonages NEVER have because if one breaks someone donates their old one when they buy a new one no matter how much coin the church has stashed away.... So much for my husband's 90 credit master's degree....

I hate Rob's job, have I mentioned that lately? Yes, hate it. Since day one. Actually since a year before day one when he first brought it up to me. He accepts this information with a grin knowing my feelings but appreciating that out of love for him I go with it.

These days I have been researching various cities all over the US and the world. Various dwellings too. An Earth Ship in New Mexico to live off the grid in a peaceful existence. A flat in Austin, TX to be near the thriving music scene. Centuries old homes/apartments in Europe where time almost stands still and there is a fresh marketplace under my window. There's a Best Buy in Turkey and my manager knows a manager there. Transfer anyone?

But honestly at work I am restless too. To the dismay of my bosses I recently asked to be de-moted because I don't like what my job has morphed into over the last few months. But alas they denied me my request. Probably a good thing since, as Rob gently pointed out to me one night, I wouldn't be any happier in another position because the problem's not work.

Rob asked me that same night why I started going to school last year and my response was "To not make minimum wage". He said this was a terrible reason to go to school. He asked what my goals were and I said after a minute, "I have none." And he looked sad. I said defensively, "Well what am I supposed to do?! I couldn't go to culinary school - that was a goal, and I'm still heartbroken over that..." As I've pondered this conversation more I have come to realize that all of my childhood and early adult dreams have failed so my heart is growing cold. Culinary school, nope. Lots of kids - nope (many miscarriages and horrible post part. depression), a home with a husband working a 9-5 - nope. hanging with my siblings care free - nope (my whole family's dynamics changed the day my brother Joe died), being in the music/journalism scene - nope, having a church family that I remember as a child before you get older and see all of the non-Jesus like daily happenings like back stabbing, greed, stubbornness, and just plan meanness.... Nope. Nope. Nope. Frickin' nope.

Almost every day I think to myself "vanity, vanity, all is vanity."

But what do I want? Can I stop being so angry inside? The answer to those two questions, I don't know.

Rob's Birthday

2010-04-06T19:15:00.000-07:00

Rob's 37th Birthday was March 13th and for it I surprised him and the kids with tickets to see PUSH - Physical Theater. It was amazing! I have added a link here to my youtube page so you can see one of their pieces done to the actual air traffic control tape of the flight that landed in the Hudson last year. They chose it because of how calm all of the people involved are. Pilots are actually trained to practice being calm and PUSH shared that we, as Christians, should practice being calm when faced with hard situations too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp-dG1Jpe20

Malachi got to meet all 5 members of the team and was very happy with himself.

They have a kids camp in the summer that teaches children how to perform this form of art. It's called PUSH PINS and Malachi is very inetersted in going. We are looking very seriously into it for him.

As for gifts the kids and I decided to all paint him a picture. Elise and I were happy with ours but Mal started his over prob 4x on the same canvas so in the end it was not a good example of his artistic ability but still, a gift made with love.

6 & 29

2010-03-29T07:04:00.000-07:00

Malachi turned 6 in January and two days later I turned 29. He had a great Transformers party that my husband planned and executed perfectly.

Check out this short clip:

His poor little buddy Wyatt had a belly ache by the end of the festivities.

This is one of Wyatt's little sisters and she's so darn cute I had to post her picture :) Look at those eyes!

For my birthday all I really wanted was a quiet day. First Mal made me breakfast:

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Yes, I did eat one bite of it in front of him.

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It was a Sunday so after church Rob got some take out from Jack's Resturant, I opened my one present (that I had been wanting for a while), and took a nap. At youth group that night some of the kids surprised me with a cake they made themselves and a card that was so sweet and expressed their appreciation for all I do for them. After youth group I went out to the movies by myself. Good stuff.

This is the present I had wanted. It's a special rubber board and pizza-cutter-like tool for cutting fabric. It's soooooo much quicker than hand tracing and cutting. I love it!

The Painted Desert and My Baby

2010-02-08T13:40:00.000-08:00

Last February I was feeling the Winter Blahs and made my husband promise that for our coming 10th wedding anniversary in December he'd take me far away to somewhere warm where I could stare at something pretty and drink coffee. Later that month we booked our flight to Sedona AZ.
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So fast forward to December 27th when we leave and land to this beautiful sight (among so many others). We landed in Phoenix and rented a car so that we could drive to Sedona through the Painted Dessert.

It's about a three hour drive so on the way we stopped at a gas station (the only place we'd seen in an hour) for some food. In the gas station they had "Cafe Charo". I was skeptical hoping it wasn't taco-bell-ish Mexican food. But MANNN I was wrong! The picture below is nachos! Nachos! (The chips are under there I promise). So freakin good... I was in heaven. If you know anything about me it's that I will eat food like this until I am sick, I love it so much.

The sun was setting as we came into Sedona - Breath taking.

We settled in for the night and the next morning this was the view from our continental breakfast. Big change from Candor!

I thought it was interesting to see turquoise "golden arches".... Later googled it and this is the only place that has them.

The first day we headed off for some horseback riding. It was about 45 degrees which was colder than i had wished but it was -0 at home so no complaints.

I know, I know, us kissing. We do it a lot.

We had a charming cowboy as our guide.

Mistletoe. I had no idea before our cowboy told us that it's a parasite. I guess it takes hold of trees and slowly kills them. We came across some white sage (the bush here). He said the Indians used to burn it and said it warded off bad spirits. What's cool is that when it burns it kills air-borne-germs so in a way they were right. He also pointed out this plant that smells fresh and told us it's the one that they make all of the rain scented candles, etc with.

Cold and hungry we drove around town looking for something to catch our eye where we could grab a bit to eat. I spotted "The Barking Frog" and how can you not go in to a place with a name like that?!

The food was great. Honestly the best part about being on vacation was the fantastic food we ate all day long.

Took the picture of the frog because I knew Elise would think it was super silly.

Next, shopping.... some cool finds.... Elise has always had a fascination with rocks too so this pic was for her as well:

The view from the front door of our room:

The view from our patio:The idea that started it all. So incredible. Pictures do it NO justice. Makes you feel God's bigness and your smallness.

Kissing again but after this one a bickering fest which two on-looking ladies thought was great. Yep, we're either making out or fighting... we're well aware. But it works for us.

My souvenir.

Lunch while shopping...

The town was full of art - a great place for me!

The above piece reminds me of my cousin Sara the dancer.

On the way home we had a long lay over. To entertain ourselves we bought a children's card game called "Go Nuts". Well, this game required you to yell out "Go Nuts" at certain times, bark like a dog at others, etc. It was REALLY fun but weirdly enough, the area we were sitting in cleared out quickly... :0) Rob and I have never been afriad to be the freaks in the room... in fact we sort of thrive on it.

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Sedona, you were all I had dreamed of and more. Happy 10th baby. I love you more now than I did then because we have refined each other over time... now kiss me.

Christmas

2010-02-08T12:41:00.000-08:00

This year we hosted my parents, siblings and their families for Christmas on December 23rd. I, working in retail, worked all day leading up to it and and was completely wiped out so Rob took on all preparation and did an amazing job! When i got home the house was clean and smelling great from the 4 cheese pasta and pork loin he had made for everyone.

My 2 year old niece DaisieRob, my brother Mike, and his girlfriend Kim hiding in the kitchen. My Grandpa and Daisie (just one of his 26 great grand children).

Dad and my sister Jess chillin'

Malachi was happy because Abby let him help her open all of her gifts.

Emma and Uncle Michael

Elise got a musketeer barbie and was very pleased.

Mr. Abell and I

And what would be Christmas without ending the night with the Grinch.

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CHRISTMAS DAY:

Malachi shopped for Daddy and bought him the most expensive hammer in the store (much to Mommy's dismay! So much for the $10 I had planned for him to spend. But oh well, a hammer will be used for years to come so whatever.)

Rob got me this awesome box full of "Dean's Beans" coffee - my favorite coffee in the world. Organic and fairly traded. But even better than the coffee was the note he put inside about how we are both always busy and never get to spend time with each other any more but every time I brew some of this coffee he promised to stop and sit down and have a cup with me.

Of course there were many small gifts but this was the star of the day. Mal's guitar. He's been asking for one for about 6 months because he sees Rob and I play all the time and wants to learn. I was going to get him a $40 acoustic one online at musiciansfriend.com and one day Daddy came home with this... Hmmm. He wouldn't fess up to the price tag (which is good cuz I'd probably faint) but you only live once I guess and Mal LOOOVESSS it!

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Ya know, working retail this year was really hard because I barely got to enjoy Christmas at all. I was pulling 60 hour weeks and dealing with angry, mean, and impatient customers... but I did make myself do my holiday traditions like watch White Christmas while Rob did his Christmas Eve services, among other things. Maybe next year I will learn some tricks on how to still have a special holiday while working retail.

Grandma D

2010-02-01T10:21:00.001-08:00

In December my Grandma died. Although it was expected I still took it pretty hard. One of my earliest childhood memories is her watching us as the family built her and Gramps house and she handed me a strawberry sugar daddy.... weird the tiny moments that get cemented in your head... She loved the little one (seen below with my niece Abby).

Just in June she was at Elise's 4th birthday party feeling tired but still very much herself.My children took the news differently. Elise was silent for a moment and then said "Can we talk about something else?" while Malachi cried and asked 1000 questions.

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At the viewing I asked my Grandpa if he'd like some coffee and he said he would. So I asked "How do you take it Gramp?" and in his typical old farmer way he responded "Well, anyway you've got it I supposed. This is no time to be fussy" with a grin. Malachi later hugged him and said he was sad and Grandpa smiled and said "I'd rather be somewhere else too".

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We weren't going to take the kids to the funeral because it was a school day and I was unsure of how they'd react to it. The night before it, however, Malachi wrote Grandma a note that read "I'm glad you are healed now. Stay safe with Jesus. I love you." (etc.) and asked if he could give it to her at the funeral. I told him he wasn't going and with big tears welling up in his eyes he looked at me and said "How would you like it if you wrote her a note and someone wouldn't let you give it to her?" So, of course, they went. He, emotional. She, quiet. Me, a bit of both.

I loved her pale blue coffin and a quilt made by my Aunt lying across it. Perfect for Grandma. So her. Elise wanted to cuddle with Grandpa grave side and he gladly obliged.

I miss you Gram....

Where to start?

2010-01-19T07:23:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh! I have soooo many photos to share with you all I'll have to break it up into a few posts over the next week.

First, we just had our holiday party for work this last weekend (b/c we are crazy during the actual season). They told us at the last minute that it was semi-formal which irritated me b/c I think I should be able to wear whatever I want. (You have to know me to understand 1- I won't be some dressed up trophy doll who's worth is judged on how hot she looks and 2- don't tell me what to do. Not saying I'm not over the top on these issues, just saying that's why it irritated me.) So ANYWAY, this is what I made and wore:

little tags down the sides

It was a big hit. Part of why I did it was because anytime I disagree with the GM of the store his rebuttal is always "That's because you're a hippie". It's our running joke. So when he saw me at the party his response was "I love you. You can wear that to work." I'm taking him up on that this week.

Tattoo and Chewed Legs

2009-12-06T17:55:00.000-08:00

This post is simply a "what we're up to" post:

I will with a picture my son drew for me recently. It's (L-R) my nephew Judah, Rob, Malachi, my Mom, Elise, and me. I love how Mom looks like a typical cartoon Grannie even through she does not look like that in person! And I love how I have a fro and long crazy earrings! This one is going to be on the wall forever!

As is the case every December I am finding myself missing my brother Joe who died two days after Christmas 10 years ago.

Our 14 year dog Munro died about two months ago and after about a month we decided it was too weird to not have a dog so we got Gus, a black lab.

He's calm and a great dog but chews our stuff (as all puppies do). Just paid off this couch.... oh well. :0)Rob and I have our 10th anniversary this month. I was trying to think of a good gift to show him my love and devotion and this is what I came up with!

It's funny because when I mentioned my idea to some friends at work they said "No don't do that cuz what if he leaves you? Then you'll be on a date and be hiding your finger." And "I love my wife and everything but would I tattoo her name on my finger, no way. I mean you have to be realistic. Sometimes things don't work out." They were trying to get me to not do it but instead their arguments actually convinced me TO do it. I refuse to live afraid of what "might" or "could" happen. If we live in made up fears we miss the NOW. Besides, I think if your are married and think, "well one day we could spilt up cuz hey, sometimes things just don't work out" then I'd venture to guess you will break up. Rob and I have discussed it MANY times. Come hell or high water we are married and committed to one another. Love is not a feeling or convenient or always fun. It is a choice. And I choose Robert Aaron Abell.

Here's a quilt I am sloooooowly working on for a friend.

And here's one I'm working on for my Mom. Sorry it's taking me so long Mom. I need some more fabric to finish and I bought it from a specialty store that's only open when I am working.... will try to get it done soon.

Our tree went up last week.

Gus found the ornaments too much to resist. (Plastic - still not good to chew but didn't want anyone to think we'd let our puppy pose with glass in his mouth).

Elise had her preschool Christmas Concert this week. She was really into it (as you can see in this video).

Have a very Merry Christmas everyone. Love you all.

Yes, I'm Insane

2009-10-22T06:21:00.000-07:00

I only blog now, like, monthly. Maybe that's good. I don't know. I'm just so busy with work, the rec center, kids, and school.

Best Buy is going well although busy. I am up for a promotion this week. Not sure I'll get it but if I do it'll be more money and will be my second one in a month so that's pretty cool. I really like my job and feel good that I FINALLY have a job that uses my administrative skills. As a business we are kicking butt and taking names. In the first week we did $400,000 over what we were projected to do. This means money for me because we have profit sharing. Very cool.

Yes, I am insane. At the same time I am still a full time student, mommy, and opened a youth house for the teens of our town. I actually looked into dropping out of school for now but it was going to cost me $2000 and a significant drop in my GPA so it was a no go. I am suffering through it for now. I got B's in my last two classes and think I will in these too and that makes me mad but whatever. I'm dealing with a lot right now so I guess that's the best I can expect. I've always been on the dean's list and it will severely piss me off if I drop below that... but once again, whatever. It is what it is. I will finish in Feb with Medical Business Administration and then am thinking of going on in the fall for either business or possibly marketing. Once I am an employee of Best Buy for 6 months they pay for school, so that's fantastic.

Kids: Mal is in kindergarten and it's really neat to see him already be able to articulate his thoughts more and become more independent. I would ask everyone to pray, however, for a really good friend for him. He tends to get along better with adults but cries often because he wants a little boy to play with. We have tried to have play dates and will continue to do so but prayers would be much appreciated. On another note, his teacher cracked us up when she told us "Malachi is a very bright student but he's a little flaky" - which describes him perfectly! She said the whole class will be sitting on the carpet and he'll be standing still in another part of the room. She's say "Malachi what'cha doing?" and he'll put his index finger to his mouth (as he is thinking) and slowly say "I.. don't... know..." :0) She's very good with him and she's a Christian so that is great.

Elise is good. In preschool and girly as ever.

What else?...... Ah yes. Youth House. October 11th the Free Rec Center for the Awesome Youth of Candor officially opened. It's called "Candor Rocks" and had on average 15 the first week and this week had on average 25! They're so funny too and really lift my spirits. And they're not church kids, their all new to me, which is awesome. The best compliment is when Monday two 17 year old boys walked through the door, stopped dead, and exclaimed "Whoa. This place is sick" (means it's insanely awesome). We are in need of snacks, volunteers, and money to help pay utilities. I plan to write for grants whenever I get a moment to breathe. Here's some photos of the before and after as well as some awesome photos my cousin Alex took around town that are on the walls of the youth house. I am so grateful to all those who have helped out in various ways!

Here is also a short video of my kids helping me paint. I involved them in the entire process because I felt they needed to be invested in it if Mommy was going to do it. They think it's a really good idea and come down to play sometimes too.

This is my favorite one: The town youth obviously picked one sign to stick all their gum to. It makes me smile cuz it's "so youth". I know, I know, it's defacing public property and blah blah blah, but I like it.Before:After:It's really fulfilling to see this dream come true and in action. I once had a great conversation with a guy who runs a shelter in Baltimore and he told me that if God gives you a vision you need to do two things: first list out your objectives and go over them daily so you stay focused on those specific goals. and second, guard your vision. No matter how sincere the person is, if they want to something outside of the vision you polity tell them no. God has given YOU the direction and will continue to do so and to stray from it is a mistake. The other day Rob was chatting with someone and I was in the room and he was saying things to them about things we could do that were outside of the vision (in fact opposite of the vision) and he meant well but I interrupted and said "No. You're not going to high-jack my vision." he and the person he was talking to looked at me like I was rude but I don't mind because I will guard this vision, this gift because God has in trusted it to me.

Well I have already spent and hour and a half doing this blog (cuz blogger is sloooow at uploading pictures) and I have to go shower and get ready for my day.

You all Rock! Have a great day and be the change you want to see!

Soooooooooo busy

2009-09-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

I have been so incredibly busy blogging has taken a back seat. Here's the condensed version of what we've been up to...
We took a MUCH needed vacation to Wildwood, NJ before Mal started school.

Rob's castle - he had made one the day before with just his hands and Elise had told me "Daddy's not very good at making sand castles." So the next day he set out to do his baby proud. Here's what he came up with.

On our way down to the shore we stopped at Longwood Gardens just outside of Philly. It was amazing!

Elise's favorite - a hairy cactus (not it's scientific name :)

About 15 minutes after getting back into the car :)

After we returned home I started this quilt for my Mom's birthday. It's actually still not done and her birthday is past but I ran out of money. I should be able to finish it soon.

Rob's sister got married on September 5th.

Mal took these next two:

My niece Lana (the tall one)

My niece and nephew Janna and Matthew

The siblings

Cute... but I just couldn't bring myself to wipe with it!

Elise took this one

First Day of Kindergarten!!!!That bus could not get there fast enough for him!

Then on September 12th my cousin Tim got married. Look at his beautiful bride. (I stole these pictures from Abbies facebook page because I actually had to miss the wedding because it was my first day of work at my new job).

So yeah... excited to say I have a new job! I am full time at the new Best Buy being built in Vestal. I really like it, get paid well, and great benefits to start soon. I am in customer service but that hasn't started yet. Right now we are unloading trucks and stocking the shelves. Rob gets the kids up and to their respective schools (Elise goes to Preschool from 9-12 everyday and Mal has all day Kindergarten). Then Rob has 3 hours to himself every morning to do some work and then he gets Elise. They have some special time and then Mal gets home. Soon after I get home.

It's very needed for me. I spent 5 years feeling absolutely trapped and now when I come home I'm happy to be there.

Still in school. Set to graduate in Feb. Last time I checked I had a 3.82 GPA (Yeah baby!) Doing a little worse in my two current classes due to work starting but still should come out with a B in each, so it's cool.

Oh yeah, and in the midst of all this I'm opening a free rec center for the teens of Candor. I know I seem like I'm crazy doing all these things at once but to achieve greatness one has to be at least partially insane and fearless.

So that's my deal. What's yours?

Health Care - My Opinion

2009-08-13T20:21:00.000-07:00

I know there are many STRONG opinions on the health care debate. I am not for a government run health care system but I am ALL FOR reform. I hate all of the “Most people who want health care have it” statements because that simply is not true. A 12 year old kid died in Baltimore our last year there because of a tooth ach turned infection. What happened was his single mother (without dental insurance) tried to give him pain killers while she saved money to take him in to the dentist. When he got ill she took him to the ER and HE DIED from the infection! This is not a made up story – it was all over the news and it is real. My brother (a white middle class fellow – while the B-more kid was black) had the SAME infection but had it fixed and lived. In fact, my father got the statement and just ONE bag of the IV treatment was $25,000!! No joke. But Mike’s insurance paid for it. I am not playing any race card here, just stating that everyone I hear complaining saying that “people who want health insurance have it” does not see the poverty that exists in our own nation and all the ones I have heard make these remarks are in fact white middle class people.

I can only speak for myself (and I’ve told some of you this before) but when Rob started school and I was home with Malachi and only the baby qualified for medical care. Making $10,000 annually, neither Rob nor I qualified. Sure, if we had walked into an ER we'd most likely be treated but simple tests and care would be hundreds if not thousands of dollars that would impossible for us to pay back. We were hard working doing what they tell you to do "Go to college, better yourself" and we didn't qualify. We were both without insurance for years (and that was scary).

AND the closest place I was allowed to fill any prescriptions for Malachi was an hour away and many times I honesty could not come up with the gas money to get there. Do you know what it feels like to look at your sick child and have to wait for pay day to give them the medicine they need? It is torture that I still grieve, still cry about.

I know this next statement will piss people off but here goes anyway: Why is it that Christians will fund war with billons of dollars that kills thousands but won’t pay $20 to help a fellow American (neighbor) get well? Seems like we’re most concern with ourselves and our way of life than our fellow man/woman.

Please comment if you want but no stats or scare tactics, especially since 43.7% of stats are made up. I want to hear YOUR experience not what you’ve heard.

“If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor he too will cry out and not be answered.” – Proverbs 21:13

A Zillion Pictures

2009-07-19T20:19:00.001-07:00

First off, meet our bunnies. The white one is Jack, the black and white one is Sara Flower

and this is Cinabon (whom the kids wanted to call "Mrs. Higginstein"!! Mommy vetoed that.)

They each have their own coup and then we have a fence for them to run around in daily and the kids go in there to spend time with them.This is a picture I took with my phone at the elementary school where I sub. One of the teachers there has stage 4 cancer and was voted in to be the Yankees bat girl! It was very exciting and the whole town turned up on the morning of the game to send her off. Candor is really special in the way they care for one another.

Next: Impromptu camping trip due to stress at home.

Pets had to come - bunnies were good but Rob's 14 year old dog was a total diva. Stayed in the car most of the time and refused to be out in the filth of the woods!

These pictures are deceiving because it was only like this for about one hour of the whole weekend. The rest of the time it poured and we played "Go Fish" and put puzzles together under our dining canopy. It was a good bonding time though.

A butterfly that lived in our campsite. Can you see it in the middle of the picture? It has black wings...

Ah yes. This is a true picture of the experience! That's the kids by the campfire with an umbrella. They loved the trip but Rob and I just kinda made the best of it. Actually I was in the game room until 1am typing and submitting a paper for college on the first night... (you could buy 24hours of WiFi at this campground for $2). So that was super fun. But hey, got an A. Yeah baby.The fourth of July, Candor Style:We started out the day at the Applegarth's for breakfast - my kids love Robin Applegarth and Hudson (seen here with them and one of his cousins.) Oh and I guess all of you Applegarth crew are ok too ;0)

Then the parade happened at 10am. Pretty cool. The theme was Family Traditions.My kids ready for the candy throwing to start (we were on the street they all line up on). It was funny to watch our son dive for the candy and our daughter just wait in her seat and let him dump 1/2 of the loot into her bucket! What a system they had. He does all the work and she gets 50% of the profits. Nice.

This lady takes all of her grand kids for one week each summer (at the same time) and they call it Camp Gungah.

After the parade we went out to Warren Center to spend some time with Rob's family and then back to a party at the Jorgenson's (oh and I left there to drop in on a graduation party - so it was an insanely busy day!)

Below: Just a pretty picture I took pulling into Owego one evening.

My daughter and I were talking one day and she asked if I could see Jesus. I said yes, I could. And she asked "how?" So I proceeded to tell her that I can see Jesus in everything that's lovely, beautiful, true and right and that I see Jesus when I look at her. So she just sat there silently taking it all in. A few days later we were outside sitting on my swing snuggling and she screamed "MOMMY!! I SEE JESUS!!!" Of course I asked, "Where?" And she pointed to a some beautiful purple flowers I had planted. It was so cute! And so now she randomly calls out when she "sees Jesus" and it always startles me because she SCREAMS it. Below is a "I see Jesus Mommy!" moment from the other day.Aunt Jessie came to visit from Pitt. Our son composed an official list of all the fun to be had before she could leave our house.

It included:Picking flowers with our daughter...Swinging, which he got injured pushing Aunt Jess so this is her comforting him...A fun snack.... we all decided on giant Popsicles that turn your tongue bright colors...Also included in the list a puppet show by the kids, a piano concert by our son, watching funny videos on YouTube, and taking everyone out to lunch by Rob (that Rob added to the list :0)
It was great to see Jess!

A couple snap shots of the annual Joe Santacrose Soccer Tournament (in honor of my brother). Here Aunt Carol is painting a flower on my daughter's foot. And then below is one I did on my niece Daisie.

Our son got his first cavity filled this month and was VERY brave.

Just a cute shot of our daughter.

And a cute one of the cousins chillin.

Hope your summer's going great too!

"Why don't you blog anymore?"

2009-06-28T01:46:00.000-07:00

It's the middle of the night and I'm up. Up thinking about how much people change over time.

Some of you have mentioned that you miss my blogging out my thoughts... I guess ever since my major break down last year I have doing a TON of thinking and processing and praying and being still - if that makes sense. When I think about the last year the bible verse that comes to mind is when they say that Mary (Jesus' Mom) "She took all these things and pondered them in her heart". I haven't blogged my thoughts in a while because they are still forming.

Things aren't what you imagined them to be most of the time. Part of my break down last year was the long-time-coming realization that Jesus wasn't who I thought he was. I had had him pegged. All figured out. He was this, he was that, and this is the way you show your love and devotion to him, and blah blah blah. I mean I had staked my entire life on this Jesus and slowly the real Jesus was unraveling the image I had created. It's insanely frightening to stare at the fact that your whole life has been based on something just to realize it isn't what you thought it was. Panic attacks in sued.

At first I was ashamed to admit to even myself that that was one of the major things going on in my heart. Our culture puts so much guilt into our faith even though God doesn't "do" guilt in the sense of making you feel bad about things. He's far more direct, dealing frankly, not manipulating. (I know we're guilty of sin so all of you having a heart attack here - chill and just hear me out).

So, anyway, yeah. Couldn't even admit it to myself at first that I was doubting Jesus. I mean doubt Jesus? That would be horrible. Damning. Unacceptable. But I was.

The more I read his word, the more I talked with him the less he looked like the picture that was painted in mind. And that was scary. Uncharted waters. More panic attacks.

What would my husband think? Am I allowed to be thinking these things? What is going on inside of me? Panic attacks. Crying, crying, and more crying. The unknown is terrifying.

Finally one night, alone and crying, I asked Jesus "So, who are you?" and I felt (instead of the cold and angry response I had expected) a warm, almost smile in his voice as he answered "That's a good question. Let's talk about that." And the dialog is still going on between us. Slowly peace is inching it's way in.

I think when we get to the point where we can name all of the specifics that Jesus is and isn't we have created an idol. He's far too vast for that.

Father's Day Quilts

2009-06-22T19:59:00.000-07:00

I made my Dad and Rob's Dad each a quilt for Father's Day this year. Each fits their personalities and interests. Here's some pictures of Bob's first:

First rough sketch

I loved the corn material1/2 way done. I honestly forgot to take a picture of the finished product before I gave it to him so I'll have to do that sometime. I lined it with a row of brown with small patches of corn on each corner and backed it with brown flannel.

My dad's was in sections that each represented something:
Soccer Balls - were because he loves soccer and still plays on a team. Ice Cream - he is always trying to talk one of us kids or his grandkids into walking to Friendly's with him for a sundae (and used too when we were kids too)

People

Yogi Bear

Light Houses - each summer of my childhood my family would go to either Stone Harbor, NJ with my dad's side of the family or to Booth Bay Harbor, ME with my mom's. Lots of beach/ocean memories

Movies - Dad loves to go to the movies

Sports - he loves to watch sports

Coffee - loves hazelnut coffee and is always asking "want a coffee?"

Man. I tell ya what, two quilts with the same deadline just about killed me! Especially because my daughter decided that she should help with my dad's (not sure why). Do you know how long it takes a four year old to put in ONE pin? The answer is FOREVER!!! And then I was letting her help by using the foot pedal. Her reaction time is fairly slow so I'd be like "stop........... Stop.... STOP STOP STOP!" and then she'd be like "Oh sorry Mama I didn't hear you the first time". So I had to learn to ask much further back than I actually needed to stop. I think I should get some sort of patience award for that... :0)

My 100th Post

2009-06-15T19:32:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. I know I haven't blogged in forever. Been soooo busy! Today was our daughter's 4th Birthday - here are some pictures from her party on Saturday:Awesome cake done by our friend Denice.
The belle of the ball!

Two short clips of dancing:

Two super short clips of opening gifts:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPj5clYiAn8&feature=channel

http://www.youtube .com/watch?v=x5jp5ZO6KUk&feature=channel

The cake!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKlccxJMGTM&feature=channel

This is our little friend Zeb. He and our daughter were born on the same day just hours apart. We spent the morning at his pool party so by the time the day was done we were all wiped!

The Birthday girl with her Great Grandma D.

An outfit she got as a gift.

Can't believe my baby is 4! Wasn't she just born?!

Date with my baby

2009-05-15T06:33:00.001-07:00

We had a baby sitter for a few hours in the middle of the day on Tuesday so we went to Buttermilk Falls in Ithaca and hiked. It was good to be alone together for once!

Vacation Part 3 - Lancaster

2009-05-04T12:44:00.000-07:00

We left Hershey on Friday and went right to the train (about an hours drive away). We arrived and bought our tickets and the kids each bought a few things in the gift shop while we waited for departure time.

Upon boarding the train the kids were very excited.
The conductor was very nice and told us lots of area history as we rode the 9 miles of track along area Amish farms. The train moved really slow (about 30 miles an hour) I am not a history person so I was a little bored but then again I had figured I would be and was there to support my son's dream of riding a train...I admit, it irritated me a little to know that each car took $250,000 to restore... starving children in the world dying every day but hey lets make a slow train for scenic rides. As I said, that's just me. Not a history person. I feel like there are always things in the present that need our attention and money more. But anyway...

This is a motel we passed where you can stay in a refurbished caboose.

Mal spent the trip like this and Elise spent the trip asking "Are you sure that bug's on the outside of the window?"

We got done and as we sat back in the car I asked "So Mal, what'd ya think?" And his response was "Boooorrrring!" Too funny. I thought it was just me but apparently the Rob Abells are better suited for other pass times!

We checked into our hotel and I needed a break so Rob disappeared with the kids and when they returned they had new swimming suits (and were VERY proud of them).

We all went down to the indoor pool in our hotel and chilled. While in the pool we realized we were swimming with a Methodist youth group. I was talking with one of the parents and she had pointed to Rob and asked if that was my husband when Mal chimed in "We call him Rob but she calls him her lover". (Which, I do not. Only Mal refers to Rob as my "lover", not I!!) So I turned red and the lady did too. We took the kids back to the room and they passed out quickly. This was the scene by 8pm.

The next day (Saturday) we were planning on going to the bottom of Philly to Longwood Gardens but we called it off and just hung out in Lancaster. Too much driving for little people. We found a cool playground with a duck pond just a few miles down the road from our hotel. The we went to lunch and shopping - letting the kids each buy a new outfit. You can really see their personalities in what they picked!

The rest of the day was spent swimming at the hotel and just laying low. The next morning we drove home. It was nice to get away but perhaps a bit too long for kids so young. Next time we think we'll do the cabin at a state park idea for about three nights and call it good.

Vacation Part 2

2009-04-28T20:07:00.000-07:00

We left Lene's house on Wednesday morning and headed East. We stopped in Pittsburgh to see my sister Jess. She fed us a yummy lunch and then we all went to the National Aviary because admission was free (due to it being Earth Day). It was really cool to see all of the birds and the kids enjoyed hanging with Aunt Jessie too.

We pulled out of Pitt around 2 or 3pm and heading on our way to our reserved cabin in Gifford Pinchot State Park just below Harrisburg.

Stopping twice we arrived after dark and settled in. The kids loved that they each had a top bunk and i loved the coziness of the cabin. I tried to show the layout below...

I awoke to this at 7:30am the next day! BEAUTIFUL. This is the view from our porch.

Rob and Mal soon joined me. Mal put his new bird watching kit to use.

He saw a bird and so got out his note book to draw it.

He looked through the official bird book and claimed what he saw was a vermilion fly catcher - of course they only live in Mexico so how lucky of us to see such a bird in PA!! ;0)

This little girl appeared at 9am.

We all got around and headed for the chocolate factory - it was great of course.

I just liked this painting of coco beans...

Elise is in to tracing everything these days.

We got back to the cabin around 2pm and decided to take the mile long trail to the parks playground. Rob and I were chatting and when we looked behind us this is what we saw. Too cute! I heard him saying "So Elise. How's your day going?"

The next morning we had to say goodbye to the cabin. Even the kids agreed it was the best part of the trip. (Since it was in the off season on a week day it was only $67 per night for a cabin that sleeps six and has a kitchen and bathroom - if anyone is interested.)

Next post - part 3/Lancaster - the last stop on our vacation.

Vacation Part 1

2009-04-24T13:33:00.000-07:00

The Abells took off for Ohio on vacation Sunday after church. Our first stop was about 2 hours in near Jamestown and by luck was really cool. We randomly pulled off and found ourselves at this awesome Native American run rest stop. So pretty and welcoming.

This was one of the windows and this neat little story was in the yard.

We stayed the night in Erie PA and this was our first official vacation meal. The kids were really excited about the mini table in the room. :) (Not quite sure what the power-girl pose from our daughter was all about). The next morning we got up and around and heading off to our first actually destination: My friend Lene's house in Canton OH. Lene and I met at Creation Festival when I was 16 and she was 17 years old and have been pen pals ever since. The last time we saw each other was 2000 - so she had never met my kids and I had never met her husband! A road trip was in order for sure!

We got to Canton in the afternoon, settled in, and chatted with Lene for a while. Later we had dinner with her parents and husband while she was in class (she's about to get her master's degree - go girl!) It was great to see her parents again. I stayed with them once the first year we met.

The next morning Lene treated us to Chuck E Cheeses!

That afternoon the women and kids rested and Rob went to the football hall of fame. He liked it but said there was no nearly enough Eagles stuff :) When he got back we all took a stroll by the pond/lake behind Lene's house and found these beautiful creatures. Click here to see a short video I took of the geese taking a bath: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-w581X109w&feature=channel_pageWhen Vincenzo (Lene's hubby) got home from work they made us a wonderful dinner and then he did a couple of magic tricks for the kids (and was a BIG hit!) Click here to be linked to a video of him doing one for the kids: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoaPN_gt7Xo&feature=channel_pageWe had cake because they wanted to sing to Elise for her up coming 4th birthday - cute short video of that too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM3zXJp4o9c

Thank you for having us guys! We love you and are so glad we got to spend time with you!!!!

NEXT POST: Cabin at Gifford Pinchot State Park & The Hershey Chocolate Factory

Happy Birthday Lene!

2009-04-16T13:09:00.000-07:00

See you soon!

(ps- Mal's informed me that his baby in the video is named 'Ene' and was born in Ohio. :)

Stuff

2009-04-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty busy with school but have managed to get a few other things done too...

My cousin Brian wanted a quilt with his school colors (Cornell red for his under grad work and Syracuse orange for his medical degree) and also his two favorite colors blue and green. Above is the first sketch and the fabrics. I had to add to the design because he's so tall. I was afraid it wouldn't turn out but was pleasantly surprised.One night my daughter had a scary dream and since Brian was coming into town with in the next few days I had to finish - so this was the scene.

Brian's finished quilt

This is the first one I've actually quilted (vs tied.)

My brother Mike's 23rd Birthday - getting all of his cards from his 7 nieces and nephews

Mike spit guarding his piece of cake :) from his nieces.

Ashley (his long-time girlfriend) and Mike

(check out the photo at the very bottom of the blog - it was the view on the drive home from his party)
The moon one night this week.

My little helper.

Spring Day

2009-03-28T14:30:00.001-07:00

We had to hit the WalMart for underware today and about one mile away is Buttermilk Falls so we stopped and gazed for about 5 minutes.

Our daughter was pretty sure she'd fall in if she stood in front of it so this is her picture.

While we were doing this Rob was playing paintball with the youth group boys. He chose to defend the fort while the boys chose to attack. The boys choice proved to be a bit smarter! ;0)

An old wooden silo I saw on a drive the other day.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

My 3 year old asked me how to spell this! She did great!

Mimi & Papa's

2009-03-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

Rob's Aunt Amy, Uncle Mark, and our nephew Joey were all up from GA this week so we traveled to Rob's mom's Tuesday for dinner with the fam.Our daughter liked this pretty little table her Uncle Nate brought for the girls to sit at.

Dee's dog is 7lbs fully grown! So cute!

Our son and nephew hit it off GREAT!!! They played all night long and were sad to see each other go. They haven't seen one another in years.

What a crew!

Hailey having a little dinner with Aunt Amy's help.

Rob as we sang Happy Birthday to him.

Our daughter LOVES dogs.

How adorable is my niece?!?!?!?!

What a little peanut. She's so quiet and just takes it all in.

I went to grab my purse and saw that Katie was using it as a pillow :0)

Check out my-mother-in-law's new ride! How cool is Rob's Mom?!

This is just a picture my son drew for me yesterday that I thought I'd share.

Have a great day all.

Our Last Month or So

2009-03-03T15:35:00.000-08:00

Just an up date on the Abells

On Feb 14th the kids and I helped the Sunday School decorate 72 dozen sugar cookies that we pre-sold to raise money to aide a third world family through Heifer International.

The youth event I organized went off w/o a hitch with 150 in attendance!! Not bad for a town with no stop lights! I told the youth there that I did not want this to just be a fun event but the beginning of a conversation. I didn't want to talk at them but WITH them. I took their emails, cell numbers for texting, facebook, myspace info, etc. We will continue the conversation in the months to come.

For tons of Cabin Fever pics go to our youth blog at http://www.thelimegreenroom.blogspot.com/

"Yo Mama Ain't Here" sign. (I told the kids at the beginning of the day that I wanted everyone to have fun but that I was not their Mama and would not pick up after them. I selected one youth to be the YMAH Police and carry this sign shouting "Yo Mama Ain't Here!" whenever he saw a violation.

The Next Day was youth Sunday at our church and the girls dance team I lead performed for the first time. They did so good! I was so proud! (Ages 5-9)

My daughter decided to draw with chalk in 18 degree weather...

We visited the work cite of the cousins of ours who are going to build our timber framed house in Endicott.

This is the family trying to help me visualize how big our main room would be (cuz this one is bigger than our house will be).

My son checking out the 2nd story.

Today for family day we painted bird houses.

Lana's Quilt

2009-02-19T19:16:00.000-08:00

Over the course of the last 2 months I have been working on a quilt for my 6 year old niece Lana. I finally finished it last Friday and sent it off to her in the mail. She got it today and called to let me know "Aunt Christian I got the quilt you made for me and I love it! I've been waiting for a blanket like this since my birthday. It's my favorite colors." (I'm glad, I thought it looked like her.)

It was made with love, but man. It was hard! It seemed to fight me every step of the way. It was my first time not doing just the reg. squares pattern.

This picture was taken in July of the kids with their new little cousin. Lana's in the middle.

Dinner w/the Santacrose Crew

2009-02-09T14:53:00.000-08:00

Enjoying a carrot

Pretty Girl

Fun with Hullabaloo (thanks Heather!)

Chatting with Grandpa. There are pictures of me doing this very thing on my Grandpa's lap in this same room, same spot, same atmosphere, only about 20 years ago...

What a crew

Alex abusing Lizzie. Good times.

cousin Annie, aunt Annie, & grandma Annie.

God, I want a twenty.

2009-02-04T14:29:00.000-08:00

I feel it is time to share this story so as to relieve my friend Robin's guilt. You will understand that statement at the end.

The last week of December I woke up one morning a total grump. We had just celebrated Christmas (which makes every one's wallet thin) but then through Protest being sick and dying we had forked out $800 the day after Christmas. So, we was po. No money for us. Which meant no food in the house. All we had for a week was whatever we had through WIC. Milk, eggs, cheese, milk, eggs, cheese.

For days I tried to be positive saying things to my kids like, "There's people in the world with less" and blah, blah, blah. But finally I had had it. I was sick of milk, eggs, and cheese. So of course I started to whine to God and in my most ungrateful witchy tone I said (out loud) "God I want a twenty today. My kids are hungry, I'm hungry. I want a twenty." And I went on about my day.

Well, my younger sister Jess was in town for a few days from Pitt and called asking if she could bring her new boyfriend over to meet us. I said "sure" but what thinking "Yeah, great. Someone new to meet and I'm ready to bit some one's head off today."

They showed up and being a tad upfront, as I am, I introduced myself as follows, "Hi Nick. I'm Christian and I am totally disgruntled today." He gave a sheepish grin and said something of the effect of "Really? Why?" So I quickly told him how I wasn't able to grocery shop this week and was being a baby about it. Then the conversation moved on.

About an hour into the visit he disappeared into the living room where the kids were playing and when he reappeared in the kitchen I took one look at him and commented "You look guilty. What did you teach my kids?" He said "What? No I didn't do anything." So I let it go and soon they went on their way back to my parents house.

Jess called from the road, "Um, when Chris thought Nick looked guilty... he was. He hide some money in the house. Have fun. Bye." and she hung up giggling.

Rob repeated the message to me and we stood there for a minute and scoffed "That's queer..." and then, I think due to our growling stomachs started searching in a frenzy! We looked and looked and as I lifted up a clothes basket there was a twenty dollar bill. As soon as the sight hit my eyes I said "Oh Sh#t." (Yeah Mom, not proud of the swear) But I honesty had forgot my morning's prayer until then. It was something said like a bratty little kid like 8 hours prior... So I pick it up and (still not learning to be thankful) said to God "No. I wanted it from Robin or something not from my sisters new boyfriend I just met." Beggars can't be choosers I suppose.

Needless to say we immediately went to the store and feasted on bologna sandwiches, yogurt, and applesauce that night. (Which seemed like a royal feast).

Now this is actually not the first time this has happened. I have requested exact amounts from God in the past and gotten them. Once Rob came home from church and asked me with a grin, "Some one slid a $50 in my hand as I left church... is that your fault?" "Yes." I admitted I had prayed for that exact amount about 5 hours earlier. So now it's the running joke in our house.

So the part about relieving my friend Robin's conscience: I told her the story the next day at church and told her "I can only tell you that story cuz I sweared and I know you won't care!" Well, about a week ago I went over to her house for a haircut and two of her friends were there hanging out. After I had coffee with them and got my haircut they handed me a card as I walked out the door and said "Don't open it until you get home." It was strange because I had just met them. So I just said "Ooookay" and went home. Once there I opened it up and there were two $20 gift cards to Walmart and a note that read "Your prayer has been heard." Once again, I was like "Ooookay". Right then Robin texted me nervously apologizing that she shared my private story with them about the twenty dollar bill as she was trying to witness to them and share how God is in fact real. I assured her that if I get $20 each time she shares it I am good with that!

So there Robin. It's no longer a private story. You're off the hook. :0)

Spike & Grandpa Bob

2009-01-30T20:16:00.000-08:00

Rob's dad took our son out for a birthday dinner/shopping trip and let him buy this: Spike the Dinosaur! I must admit it's pretty cool (although our daughter's scared of it!)

(Our nephew Matthew went too.)

See Mom

2009-01-25T19:23:00.000-08:00

Just posting a picture to show my Mom that I bought myself some new shoes with the b-day money she gave me.

Turning Five

2009-01-23T04:53:00.000-08:00

I can't believe my baby's 5. It seems like I was just staring into his bassinet and thinking "What does that baby possible want now?!" :) Here's some things he opened first thing in the morning:

(cool belt)

Instead of a party he chose to have three of his friends come with him to the Discovery Center (a cool and rather inexpensive place for kids to play) in Binghamton and then to McDonalds Playland for happy meals all around. They all had a blast.

The bubble room.

Thank goodness the fake bread has no trans fat! Whew!

Funky chair hung from the cafe ceiling

This was the kids favorite.

Then we were off to McDonalds but I was too tired to take any pictures.

The sunset as we left McDonalds.The completed Krusty Crab

It's good to be five.

A Bit Crazy Tonight

2009-01-19T19:45:00.000-08:00

We were in rare form tonight! Not sure why....

For a few silly videos we shot tonight click the following links:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZ-bimzoKqM&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcD5sp34Glg&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtDglKU_43o&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CunZ1bOuts&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoAZYkiPa9w&feature=channel

What Happened to Protest

2009-01-08T12:39:00.000-08:00

So. I know we had asked for prayers for Protest and provided details and then when he died had only the energy to write "he died. we're sad" So here's what happened in a nut shell.

He has always chewed things vigorously since the day we brought him home. After two weeks of him being very ill and getting super skinny and trying things like IVs for fluids and treatments for upset stomach the vet recommended an ultra sound. We took him in and they discovered he had something abnormal in his small intestines.

Later that day in surgery they pulled two pieces of chewed plastic (one from toy grapes and one from a nebulizer cartridge) and an industrial looking string (we think is from our area rug). So surgery went well but a day after he got a fever and then his blood stopped accepting and proteins (and due to that, no water either). With in 1/2 a day he couldn't even stand for more than a couple seconds. They called us in to pet him and when we got there the kids started laughing and said "Look, Protest's head grew" when really it was that he was so thin it looked entirely unproportional. He was like a little skeleton with fur.

As we sat on the floor of the office petting our very sick little puppy I told the kids that he was probably going to die. Our son was sad but didn't cry. He just kissed him on the nose and said "But I don't want him to die." Our daughter, in true form, whipped her neck around, glared at the doctor and said "You don't look like a doctor. If you were a doctor you could give him medicine and make him better!" And then she started crying and told me she wasn't going to leave because she wanted to stay so she could "see what that doctor was doing to Protest". (I had to admire her protectiveness.)

We left with the knowledge that they were going to try one more thing but a few hours later they called and said it didn't work and he would not recover. They recommended euthanizing him.

I went down alone. He was my baby. Bought yes, as our son's dog, but anyone who spent 5 minutes in our house knew who's dog he really was. He'd pal around with me all day and then sleep every night, under the covers, in the nook behind my knees that my legs created as I'd lye on my side.

I pulled out into the beautiful soft falling snow. A sad song played on the sterio... I arrived a mile away at the vets and went in slowly. The vet was crying and the nurse was giving me a look of pity. My dog, laying on the table lifted his head as far as he could and wagged his tail ever so slightly (he was so weak). And I started to ball. "This wasn't supposed to happen" I thought. "This is the dog we bought to replace Munro" (our 13 year old dog). "He's only 6months old.... he's my baby... he's my dog... he has cuddled with me as I've cried and made me laugh when I was down... he's my dog." As I sobbed my head was buried in his face and he licked the tears off my chin. I looked into his chocolate brown eyes and smelled him one last time... and I told him he was a good doggy. Then gave permission to put him down.

The vet cried and apologize 600x for not being able to save him and I gave him a big hug and reassured him that he did his best and that things die.

A few days later we went, picked up the body and with the kids took him to our land in Endicott and buried him along with his sweater, collar, and Christmas bone we never got to give him.

So here we are, all dealing with it differently. I have caught our son filling boxes with toy dogs and burying them around the house... and he came to me today and as he handed me his swimming puppy toy he said "Here Mom. You can has this so you won't miss Protest so much".

Our daughter gets excited and says things like "Hey guys I prayed that Jesus would bring Protest back to life and he'd eat his bone and then dig his way out and run home to us! So he will! Cuz I prayed it!"

I just cry occasionally and miss him as I walk around the house alone.... And I'll be honest. I'm mad. I told Rob the night he died "Ya know, I can only take so many things with grace." (Have you ever felt like that? Like 'Ok enough's enough'?) I asked (more like yelled at) God the other night "What? WHAT! I can't have a dog now either? WHAT?!?!?! What is your point?!" No answer as of yet...

And who knows how Rob feels about it cuz he's a man. So that vault is sealed. :)

Anywho... that's that. I'm pretty busy with school now so it many be a while inbetween posts. And to be frank I'm at the stage in my life where I don't feel like I know anything anymore. Passed the young person know-it-all-stage to where I now feel like saying "Don't ask me anything. I have no clue."

I think I'll be a hermit for a while.